The Battle Rages On

I wish that dieting was as easy as I wanted it to be. I feel like it should be easier because I want it so much. It is naive to think that i could posssibly want it more than anyone else, we all want it. That it that we are talking about it is the part that is different for each of us....I want to feel good about myself, I want to wear small clothes, I want to be healthy, I want to be an amazing mom that has the house where all the kids on the block want to hang out. However; I have a laundry list of vain reasons as well...I want to walk into family Christmas and watch the jaws drop of all my family members, I want to run through my neighborhood in my cute muscle shirts and know that I looks good, I want people to look at my husband and think he's the luckiest guy around to have the love of a woman like me, and when we start our family I want to be cute pregnant not sumo pregnant.

All these things that I want aren't unachievable, I think that they are so close to my grasp that I don't know how to picture them as mine. I have viewed people in my life as road blocks to my success but there is no bigger road block than me. There I said it, I don't know how to taste this success because I don't remember seeing myself as skinny...so I don't know what the goal that I am reaching for feels like....and I sure don't know what it looks like.

Mal and I talked yesterday about how disappointed we get sometimes, but that is because we know how to do everything right. We know how to cook, what to eat, how to cut cals, how to exercise, how much we need to have a loss, and the dedication. The thing that I am not doing is envisioning the new me when I get down, I am beating up the old me. This is a constant battle for me and one that I will keep fighting one pound at a time.