Not Ready For No W.O.W.

Unfortunately I have realized that there is a long time between november 20 and january 9, I thought I was going to be just fine. I haven't gained any weight but its the same thing as saying "well i stayed in my 1200 calorie range....without a single fruit or vegetable." I never became dependent on W.O.W. and I know that it takes 21 days to develop a habit, which is why I am posting this at 5:50 am, but there were a few days that things just got to be too much for me to handle, and I was simply tracking my food because I didn't want to let andrea or kristan down. It sounds kind of pathetic but it is the kind of motivation that works for me, not for everyone of course, but I don't like letting people down or myself down. But right now, it is hard because I don't have anyone ready to chew my ass if I keep making the same mistakes, or the constant motivation.

Also, I feel very paranoid because as I have been getting new clothes that actually fit I freak out when my pants are tight, or a shirt is a little snug, and I have to make a very conscious effort to tell myself to shut up because these clothes are all my size now. Plus, during WOW andrea and I both were just wearing our clothes big because didnt and still aren't sure how small we are going to be. I bought my first pair of jeans in a size 16 (which is down from size 20 in august), and my first shirt that is a size large since well the beginning of time, I can't tell you when I have ever worn a large. So I feel like I went from wearing MC HAMMER pants (eww evidence of my age, if you don't know what I am talking about google "can't touch this" by M.C. Hammer) to skinny jeans.

Not sure why I felt strong enough about this to blog about, but now that the hype is over I have to keep looking ahead to my goals....and pull my head out of my !@#$%@ because I do know what carbs are so I need to knock off my excuses about them.

Burnout and Exhaustion

Believe it or not it isn't from working out, its from life in general. This last week and a half has really given me a run for my money. It is time for Christmas break because I am losing patience with my students, who's behaviors are absolutely not their fault because they are reinforced at home, however inappropriate for school they may be. I just don't have a lot of "fight" in me right now to nip these in the butt.

Finals at UNI are finally over...and I think I survived. I wrote a 21 page annotated bibliography, a 7 page book analysis, 150 pages of portfolio work, and an option project that was 14 pages about student-led IEP. My brain hurts, and I just have no ambition to do anything. I am about ready to put Ghandi in the VCR seriously and coast into break. I can't believe i even just said that.

Thankfully, my eating has been good so I haven't gained any weight, but I sure as hell haven't lost any either. I have been doing Biggest Loser Weight Loss Yoga, so it isn't that I haven't done anything...I think that it just feels like it. Also, I have to learn how to not beat myself up because I do have my priorities straight...and that was my graduate classes, but damn I feel like a slacker.

Ok I just had to share that.

In Remembrance...of Amy Jensen

I haven't had the strength to watch these until last night, but I really want to share them with people. Amy was a student at the last school that I taught at, I had her little brother who you will see in the video (that is huge now) in my very first class I taught.

Amy was diagnosed with osteosarcoma, a type of bone cancer during the spring of 2007, I became her tutor while she was going through chemo, both rounds. I would get her assignments from her teacher, and then spend time with her and teach her the material that she missed. That went on her entire junior year of high school, and she just went to school when she felt up to it to see her friends.

I am sure that Amy taught me more than I ever taught her, about the human spirit. She was the true definition of everything that is good in the world, and the strength of a true fighter. I was truly lucky to have known her. Please watch these.

http://www.keloland.com/videoarchive/index.cfm?VideoFile=112409eye

http://www.keloland.com/videoarchive/index.cfm?VideoFile=112509eye

This blog is all about our journey in health and fitness. These are about Amy's final gift to her family and friends. Why do we let ourselves live unhealthy lives...because we feel like it? because we can if we want to? I think about Amy a lot and the life that I get to live compared to hers that was cut so short. We can save ourselves, and she couldn't, but she gave it a hell of fight.

My favorite memory of Amy happened one day when I came over to work on her algebra and there was this really pretty little bouquet of flowers on the table and I said "Amy these are way pretty?" She replied, "well i let Snipper (her dog) out to go to the bathroom and his leash got snagged around my crutches, I fell down the stairs into the flower bush....and I figured while I was there I would pick a bouquet." That was Amy, nothing got in her way.

Get off the couch and get going, being overweight is a preventable condition but the side effects of it can take you away from those you love the most.