Because blogging is my therapy...

UGH. Sometimes I frustrate myself beyond belief.

I skipped lunch today.

I didn't bring anything from home, and suddenly realized how hungry I was about 30 minutes ago (2 pm). So instead of running to Subway down the block, I ran to Burger King, also just down the street. And I ordered a Whopper with cheese, and a medium fry. The whole time I was doing it, I kept thinking "Mallory! What are you doing?? You have issues girl. You have issues. This isn't what you really want." Seriously, that's what a conversation in my head looks like when I am about to binge. And then I generally follow thru with my bad behavior, even though I know it's not going to make me happy. It's something that I do and that I need to get a grip on. Anyway, I got the food back here to work, pigged down all the fries without hardly even tasting them, and cut the burger in half and only ate half. Then threw the other half out. Which I guess you could say that's a good thing, but I still just consumed 695 calories (probably more including the cheese) and I feel so gross. Stomach hurting, the works. I'm so disappointed in myself and wish that I would just use my willpower to stop these behaviors. UGH. I really need to get over this completely unhealthy eating thing that's been happening off and on for the past week. I haven't stepped on the scale for a week or so, but I'm sure it wouldn't be pretty if I did. I am really starting to miss that feeling of LOSING WEIGHT. I feel like one little part of me is saying "Good job, Mal! You've lost 30 lbs now you're good to go!" And of course I know that's not true.

Anyway, I really need to do this for myself so I am promising YOU, Internet, that I am going to go jogging tonight. I think with my exercise routine being out of whack it really hasn't helped my eating struggles. So that's what I will do this evening. At least 45 minutes worth of jogging/walking. AND I will go to the store and get a few Healthy Choice meals to bring for lunches. Those tend to keep me in line pretty well. Phew. Feeling a little better already. I'll report back tomorrow on how that all goes.

I have issues.

With food, that is. But I already knew that.

It's time to confess... I am EXTREMELY disappointed in myself and I feel like I won't be able to let it go until I just write it all down and officially get over it.

The last 2 days have been a complete disaster, both with exercise and eating. I mean DISASTER. I have just been craving sweets and saltys, and I've given in more than I would like to admit. I mean king sized candy bars, doughnuts galore, hamburgers and fries (x2), gigantic breakfast burritos, hot dogs, cookie dough... you name it. And I have no excuses so I'm not even going to go there.

As far as exercising, I decided after my jog on Saturday to take a break from jogging for now because I have what seems to be a pulled muscle in my thigh that is just not going away. It's actually really weird, half the time it feels like a pinched nerve, half the time it feels like its a pulled muscle, and when it first happened it felt like it was in my hip socket. It happened when I was wearing those horrible awful shoes, and it seems like I just hurt it all over again each time I go jogging. I would just push through the pain and get over it but I've decided that I really need to let it heal before it becomes something worse. And I had every intention of doing the elliptical or biking in place of jogging, but I just haven't done it. End of story.

Anyway, today I am back on track with my eating, and planning a 60 minute bike ride this evening. I'm actually really looking forward to it because it's been a while since I have ridden. I'm also looking forward to the over all good feeling that I get from exercise, because my choices the past few days have really had a negative effect on my overall outlook. It's amazing how the things you eat, and lack of exercise effect your entire life.

Well now that I have, in a way, made my confession, I feel like I am over this and officially moving on. I'm so done feeling icky. I have reason to believe i've been craving like mad due to PMS but I'm not using that as an excuse. I know I'm stronger than that and I'm happy to be done with it.

Have a great day everyone! I'm feeling better already.

W.O.W. Week 3

Well it is the week of the plateau...I was only down one pound this week to 212.  I am not complaining, I knew it was coming I just wasnt quite ready for the tidal wave of weight to stop coming off.  

Last week the strength training we did was incredibly intense, and by the end of the week Lyndie had me in pain.  But it was such a good pain, and muscles that needed to be worked but on my own I would have had no idea how to.  

This week I am making sure that I am focusing on staying strong with recording my food on sparkpeople, and working through this stagnate time instead of using it as my excuse to make a few mistakes.  Here we go!!!

Just for the hell of it.

Because I'm having somewhat of a crap day, and am desperately searching for ways to tune out until 4:30...

I completely forgot to blog about my new running shoes that I got a couple weeks ago.

These pretty little babies... Introducing the Pearl izumi Syncropace III's.

Let me start off with saying... if you don't have comfortable running shoes and you're running... INVEST IN NEW SHOES. Really. Just do it. I went to a running shoe store, they performed a (free) computerized foot analysis which showed that I slightly over pronate and should get a stability shoe (be sure to go to a place who does this! it's very cool and informative). So I tried on about a million pairs of different stability shoes, tested them out on the treadmill and everything, and went home with a pair that I thought were the answer to my prayers. I took them out for a spin that night, and the next morning I could barely walk my legs and hips hurt so bad. Literally. COULD BARELY WALK. Those suckers jacked me up in a way that I didn't even know was possible. Turns out they had a little too much stability for me, and were making my over pronating feet become under pronating feet. Luckily my shoe store of choice has a 15 day return policy so I went back and tried on a million MORE pairs, and came home with these lime green hot mommas.

OK so maybe HOT MOMMAS isn't exactly the right word here but hey, they are 360 degree reflective, so chances are I will never get run over by a car while jogging. They are by far the most expensive yet least attractive shoe I have ever bought in my life (they are a much brighter green than they look in the picture). But incredibly awesome and worth every penny considering that I have not had ONE SECOND of shin pain/ knee pain since wearing these! I almost can't even believe it. Even the smallest jogs in my old shoes (seriously small, like 15 seconds of jogging) would result in shin pain for the rest of the day on my right leg. I was wrapping it in ace bandages, resting, icing... and the next time I would go out BAM. Shin pain once again. But now I can run 9 whole minutes (hello, can you tell I'm proud?!) in a row without stopping, and still no shin pain!!

I've really been loving the whole jogging thing lately. I've sort of ditched the couch to 5k program, and taken off on my own program. I feel like it got me started really well and now I just want to do my own thing. An evening at the track goes like this - 1 lap warm up walk, 3 laps jogging (9 minutes), 1 lap walk, 3 laps jogging (another 9 minutes), 1 lap walk, and 3 MORE laps jogging, followed by a cool down for however long I feel like walking, typically 2 or 3 more laps. Not bad for a girl who could barely jog 60 seconds a couple months ago. I've done this about 4 or 5 times, and I think next week I will move those 3 laps up to 4 laps!! Which means I will officially be jogging ONE MILE WITHOUT STOPPING. I never thought I'd see the day, but I know I'll be able to do it. I'm already so close at 3 laps! Jogging is not easy for me. I've sort of come to the conclusion that it will never be easy for me. But the thing that keeps me going is the way I feel AFTER a jog. Wow. It's unlike anything I've ever felt. I get such a feeling of accomplishment, knowing that I'm really pushing myself and knowing that each time I go out, I'm getting just a little bit closer to accomplishing my goal of running a 5k and it's just an all around awesome feeling. I love it so much and am so glad that I took that first scary as can be step towards becoming a jogger.

And now I will wrap it up, but I am curious... who is out there?? I mean YOU. Reading this. I've noticed that we have some recurring readers (though there are few, I know you are out there!) and I just want to know who you are! Leave a comment or something so we can come check out your blog(s) too!

W.O.W. Week 2

Well I guess WOW is its name for a very good reason.  I have been eating like an absolute rockstar for two weeks now with no real mess ups or laps in judgement and it has paid off.  I weighed in this morning at 4 am at 213 pounds...which is down 6 this week and 11 total for the program.  Did you read the subject line....yes week 2 of 12.  I can't hardly believe what I am saying.

This last week that hardest part was going out in public.  If I could just hibernate in my house eating healthy would be so easy, but that just isn't real life.  I went out with my association friends on Friday night for a beer, but instead of Bud Light I ordered Michelob Ultra, which is surprisingly good.  I have yet to find on the shelf the Bud Select 55 that my friend Stephanie says in delish too.  But I just don't drink hard alcohol, because I underestimate its effect on me, so I have to stick with what I know.  

Other than that the meal logging and calorie counting is coming pretty easily at this point, but I am not getting enough protein I don't think.  I'm just not sure how to get it in which is something that would be good to meet with Kristan about.  The workouts are great and I actually like getting up in the morning early, and getting such a good start to the day.  Well here's to a good Monday!! and a rapidly approaching week 3, can't wait to see what my body is capable of this week.

W.O.W. Week 1

The first week of WOW ended successfully, I weighed in at 224 and at the end of this week I was down to a surprising 219.  This simply depended on the scale that I was using because according to my home scale it was 217.8, but I was extremely ecstatic about a 5 pound loss in one week.

The hardest challenge that first week surprisingly wasn't getting up at 4 am, but actually making my body go to sleep at 8-8:30 at night.  The first few nights I would fall asleep and wake up at midnight because I think my body thought I was taking a nap or something.  However, then the sheer exhaustion of my day set in.  

Our coach Kristan made a very important statement before we started this journey and she said that if you don't plan...plan to fail.  This couldn't be more true, because I lay out my work clothes next to my workout clothes the night before, and pack my lunch with plenty of snacks, generally a couple extras just incase I get a craving or something.  This week I have stayed at or below 1200 calories which is very impressive for me.

Kristan is someone who easily motivates you because she is also a nurse, so she doesn't just know the workout side of fitness but has such a wide grasp on the nutrition side as well.  She met with each of us individually this week to go over food logs and for us to verbally express our goals to her so she understands why we are in the class.  I told her I just want my body back better than I have ever had it and that I want to break the cycle of overweight women in my family.  She heard me and reminded me that when I get more comfortable to talk to them about it and show them that eating healthy isn't as hard as everyone makes it out to be.  Her final thought for me that really stuck out was "if you don't make a change how do you expect to get one"...soooo true. 

One year anniversary

Today marks my 1 year anniversary in this journey towards a new healthy lifestyle! I am happy to be able to say that I have lost exactly 30.0 lbs in the past year. Wow. If I am being completely honest I have to say that I never thought that was possible for me. And while I do really wish that I had tried harder, been more dedicated, and lost more weight, I am also very happy with having any loss at all. The biggest and most important lesson that I have learned in the past year is that I CAN DO IT. I really can lose weight if I will just try. And that's a really great lesson as far as I am concerned, because I honest to goodness didn't know if it was possible before.

So in honor of my anniversary, I will share my stats from one year ago, and from today.

9/11/08
207.8 lbs.
waist- 38 in.
hips- 46 in.
arms- 14 in.
thighs- 28 in.
bust-42 in.
ribs - 38 in.

9/11/09
177.8 lbs.
waist- 34 in.
hips- 42.5 in.
arms- 14 in.
thighs- left= 26 in. right= 26.5 in.
bust- 40 in.
ribs- 35.5 in.

Total loss of 30 lbs.

and 15.5 inches.

6:30 am on a Sunday

I have been extremely absent from life if general the last couple weeks.  Two weeks ago I started my new job at the high school teaching level III special education.  I was so nervous in the beginning but I am really feeling like i am getting into the swing of things.  Then I started classes at UNI to work on my Masters Degree in Special Education which is looking to be a hell of alot more work than I was anticipating.

However, the most exciting thing that I have done was last Saturday, August 29th, I weighed in for WOW.  Wow stands for the Workout of Workouts.  We attend class five days a week, four of which are just the people in our program, and the 5th we can attend a class of our choice.  Monday and Wednesday are cardio kickboxing, and Tuesday/Thursday are strength training.  

I weighed in at 224 pounds and my body fat percentage was 41%...not great numbers but I didn't know what the numbers would look like.  I have a long way to, but after week 1 of WOW I am down to 216.4 right now on my home scale.  There have been many times that I am questioning if that can even be possible, because I am eating, satisfied, and not starving.  The diet that we are on with WOW stresses the importance of lean protein.  Our instructor says our calories should come from 60% protein, 20% carbs, and 20% other.  My diet varies every day and I have been eating a variety of different meals.  If you are my friend on sparkpeople check out my tracker.

At 6 weeks we will measure and weigh, but we won't do our body fat analysis again until the middle of november.  This is my pledge to blog about my progress each week through this journey.  I can't wait to see what my body is capable of achieving.