Because blogging is my therapy...

UGH. Sometimes I frustrate myself beyond belief.

I skipped lunch today.

I didn't bring anything from home, and suddenly realized how hungry I was about 30 minutes ago (2 pm). So instead of running to Subway down the block, I ran to Burger King, also just down the street. And I ordered a Whopper with cheese, and a medium fry. The whole time I was doing it, I kept thinking "Mallory! What are you doing?? You have issues girl. You have issues. This isn't what you really want." Seriously, that's what a conversation in my head looks like when I am about to binge. And then I generally follow thru with my bad behavior, even though I know it's not going to make me happy. It's something that I do and that I need to get a grip on. Anyway, I got the food back here to work, pigged down all the fries without hardly even tasting them, and cut the burger in half and only ate half. Then threw the other half out. Which I guess you could say that's a good thing, but I still just consumed 695 calories (probably more including the cheese) and I feel so gross. Stomach hurting, the works. I'm so disappointed in myself and wish that I would just use my willpower to stop these behaviors. UGH. I really need to get over this completely unhealthy eating thing that's been happening off and on for the past week. I haven't stepped on the scale for a week or so, but I'm sure it wouldn't be pretty if I did. I am really starting to miss that feeling of LOSING WEIGHT. I feel like one little part of me is saying "Good job, Mal! You've lost 30 lbs now you're good to go!" And of course I know that's not true.

Anyway, I really need to do this for myself so I am promising YOU, Internet, that I am going to go jogging tonight. I think with my exercise routine being out of whack it really hasn't helped my eating struggles. So that's what I will do this evening. At least 45 minutes worth of jogging/walking. AND I will go to the store and get a few Healthy Choice meals to bring for lunches. Those tend to keep me in line pretty well. Phew. Feeling a little better already. I'll report back tomorrow on how that all goes.