Struggling...need to take care of me

well i just got done texting mallory and I agree with her that I need to blog about my struggles as of late. Real life has been catching up with me the last couple months and I have slipped into one of my worst habits of taking care of everyone else but myself. This isn't a new habit, actually I would consider it more of a cycle that I get into....when I'm doing really well I start to forget how hard it was for me to get there, which in turn leads me to take for granted that I can stay there without as much work, about then some major crisis happens and I forget about myself completely.

So here I am, up 11 pounds from my all time lowest weight. I will admit that I haven't worked out in almost three weeks. There I said it, its out in the open now, and the only person I have to blame is myself. Unfortunately, I know so much more now than I did a year ago about weight loss and health because I know EXACTLY how I got myself to the place I am right now. Not exactly profound what I am saying, but yes if you eat like shit and don't exercise...it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what will happen. Normally I am a huge advocate for the saying "knowledge is power" but that now I have realized that "knowledge is only power if you USE it".

Today I am officially pulling my head out of my ass, and am going back to the gym on Monday. Here are the classes I am taking:

Monday: Kickboxing 4:30-5:15 pm

Tuesday: Kickboxing 8:15-9:00 am, Strength Training 5:30-6:15 pm

Wednesday: Kickboxing 5:30-6:15 pm

Thursday: Kickboxing 8:15-9:00 am, Strength Training 5:30-6:15 pm

Friday: Kickboxing 8:15-9:00 am

Here is my testament to myself and motivated or not I have to get back on track. I am so down right now I hardly remember how much I love exercise and feeling strong. This isn't a question about motivation its a question of proving to myself that by losing 50 pounds in the last year that I have made a change in my life and not been on another "diet"

1st picture is from Jan of 2009, at 196 lbs. Second pic is from June 20 2010 at 171 lbs.

I'm here!

Sorry I've been so distant. Computer issues at work have kept me away, and will likely keep me away for a while still.

Anyway, my current weight is 173.6. I have finally hit a plateau, as I've been at this weight for 2 weeks straight. My Dr. apt is Thursday, and I am just praying for mercy that I have lost enough this month for him to give me another month's RX for the phen. Cross your fingers for me!

Even though I'm somewhat stuck at this weight, I want to give myself a HUGE pat on the back for being 173 lbs. I have no idea when my weight was last this low. This is huge for me. And knowing that I am so close to the 160's... it's almost like shock. As though I can't really quite wrap my mind around the idea of that.

Anyway, now I say I have hit a plateau, but I know exactly why I have hit it so I'm not sure if it even qualifies as a plateau. It's simple. Not tracking my intake as well, things like camping 2 weekends in a row, family bbq's, not making exercise my first priority, etc. The excuses go on and on, but I'm not here to make excuses for myself. I know what I've been doing wrong, and I'm changing it now (got up at 5:15 today and did 70 minutes on the elliptical, 500 calories burned and plan to keep it up) so I should be seeing a loss next week for sure.

Also I am going to start incorporating jogging back into my regime. On June 2 I jogged a mile (without stopping) in 10 minutes and 42 seconds. That's a HUGE record for me! I'd really like to get to where I can go farther than 1 mile without needing a walk break, and I want to sign up for another 5k to help motivate me. Actually, I think I will go search for one right now. I'll keep you updated!!

*Don't forget to X your fingers for my apt Thursday!*