Gettin' Our Healthy On!

Just Checkin in...

2010-07-27T09:50:00.001-07:00

My weigh in today was 163.6.

I know. I had to pick my jaw off the floor as well!!

Grand total weight loss to date : ... from 208 to 163.6 is 44.4 lbs!

Struggling...need to take care of me

2010-06-25T07:01:00.000-07:00

well i just got done texting mallory and I agree with her that I need to blog about my struggles as of late. Real life has been catching up with me the last couple months and I have slipped into one of my worst habits of taking care of everyone else but myself. This isn't a new habit, actually I would consider it more of a cycle that I get into....when I'm doing really well I start to forget how hard it was for me to get there, which in turn leads me to take for granted that I can stay there without as much work, about then some major crisis happens and I forget about myself completely.

So here I am, up 11 pounds from my all time lowest weight. I will admit that I haven't worked out in almost three weeks. There I said it, its out in the open now, and the only person I have to blame is myself. Unfortunately, I know so much more now than I did a year ago about weight loss and health because I know EXACTLY how I got myself to the place I am right now. Not exactly profound what I am saying, but yes if you eat like shit and don't exercise...it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what will happen. Normally I am a huge advocate for the saying "knowledge is power" but that now I have realized that "knowledge is only power if you USE it".

Today I am officially pulling my head out of my ass, and am going back to the gym on Monday. Here are the classes I am taking:

Monday: Kickboxing 4:30-5:15 pm

Tuesday: Kickboxing 8:15-9:00 am, Strength Training 5:30-6:15 pm

Wednesday: Kickboxing 5:30-6:15 pm

Thursday: Kickboxing 8:15-9:00 am, Strength Training 5:30-6:15 pm

Friday: Kickboxing 8:15-9:00 am

Here is my testament to myself and motivated or not I have to get back on track. I am so down right now I hardly remember how much I love exercise and feeling strong. This isn't a question about motivation its a question of proving to myself that by losing 50 pounds in the last year that I have made a change in my life and not been on another "diet"

2010-06-21T08:40:00.000-07:00

1st picture is from Jan of 2009, at 196 lbs. Second pic is from June 20 2010 at 171 lbs.

I'm here!

2010-06-15T14:19:00.000-07:00

Sorry I've been so distant. Computer issues at work have kept me away, and will likely keep me away for a while still.

Anyway, my current weight is 173.6. I have finally hit a plateau, as I've been at this weight for 2 weeks straight. My Dr. apt is Thursday, and I am just praying for mercy that I have lost enough this month for him to give me another month's RX for the phen. Cross your fingers for me!

Even though I'm somewhat stuck at this weight, I want to give myself a HUGE pat on the back for being 173 lbs. I have no idea when my weight was last this low. This is huge for me. And knowing that I am so close to the 160's... it's almost like shock. As though I can't really quite wrap my mind around the idea of that.

Anyway, now I say I have hit a plateau, but I know exactly why I have hit it so I'm not sure if it even qualifies as a plateau. It's simple. Not tracking my intake as well, things like camping 2 weekends in a row, family bbq's, not making exercise my first priority, etc. The excuses go on and on, but I'm not here to make excuses for myself. I know what I've been doing wrong, and I'm changing it now (got up at 5:15 today and did 70 minutes on the elliptical, 500 calories burned and plan to keep it up) so I should be seeing a loss next week for sure.

Also I am going to start incorporating jogging back into my regime. On June 2 I jogged a mile (without stopping) in 10 minutes and 42 seconds. That's a HUGE record for me! I'd really like to get to where I can go farther than 1 mile without needing a walk break, and I want to sign up for another 5k to help motivate me. Actually, I think I will go search for one right now. I'll keep you updated!!

*Don't forget to X your fingers for my apt Thursday!*

Another week is gone...

2010-05-18T07:28:00.000-07:00

And so is another 1.6 lbs!!

Woohoo!!

My weekly weigh in results = 177.2

Down 1.6 lbs from last week.

I'll take it!!

Also on saturday I went shopping and bought some dress shorts... size 12!

I am just soooo excited to be seeing some actual progress. I had my Dr. apt yesterday for my 1 month check up on phen, and he was very pleased with my progress. As am I!!

Weekly weigh in and other happy things.

2010-05-13T09:41:00.001-07:00

So I am 2 days late with posting this, but here goes...

Drumroll please...

I lost 2 more lbs last week!

My weight as of 5/11/2010 is 178.8.

My hard work is paying off, and I am SO HAPPY. Slowly but surely my friends, I will reach my goal.

I have been totally kicking butt in working out these past couple weeks, but unfortunately the Shred is starting to take it's toll on my knee once again. I seem to be swelling up pretty good every evening that I shred, and today it's pretty swollen and achy. Needless to say, I am really disappointed but I am going to back off the Shred for now. It's not worth the risk of a real injury.

Anyway, I am down a total of 9 lbs in 3 weeks. From eating healthy, and exercising my butt off. And I feel like a million freakin dollars!

I bought this top (it's actually SUPER cute irl) at Express about 3 years ago, and wore it once because it was too small. It was too small when I bought it, but it was one of those "Oh I am going to lose weight anyway so it will be perfect!" things. Well I didn't lose weight, I actually gained weight. I tried it on probably 18 months ago (around 195-200 lbs) and it was RIDICULOUSLY small. I mean really. I could button it but it looked like the buttons were going to pop off if I dared to move, and we all know how attractive the *fat stomach busting out of my top* look is.

This picture is from Tuesday. (Don't mind the totally weird blow-fish face i'm making here. Not sure what that's about.)

It FITS!

I was on a *some of my old smaller clothes finally fit!!* rush after this, so yesterday I pulled out a pair of pants I bought last summer. They were on clearance for $4 at Target, and like the aforementioned top, they were way too small when I bought them but I was planning to lose weight anyway. (Am I the only one who does this? Or is that normal? Hubby would kill me if he knew I bought clothes that didn't even fit!)

I have tried the pants on a time or two since purchasing them, but they were just too tight. They squeezed my stomach and made my butt look gigantic because they had the 'painted on' look. I t actually wore them to work one day in the winter, and I remember taking them off the second I got home because they were so uncomfortable and I didn't want John to see how -too small- they were. Well yesterday I pulled them out of the closet. And they are not even TIGHT now!! I had to double check to make sure they were the correct pants. They fit like they were made for my body. I couldn't believe it.

I feel like my hard work is finally starting to pay off. I don't always notice it when I look in the mirror, but it's happening. And I am so excited!

She's still got it!!

2010-05-06T13:58:00.000-07:00

So yesterday morning, I woke up at 5:10 to do the Shred and elliptical as my week plan suggests.

Well... I guess my muscles were still really fatigued from shredding on Monday, because it was SO HARD. Every squat, every pushup, every side lunge with lateral raise... OMG. I thought I wasn't even going to make it all the way through the video. Jillian and her favorite "Don't phone this in!!" phrase couldn't even keep me from...well...phoning it in. By the time the 27 minutes were up, I was dog tired and incredibly disappointed.

After the shred, I hopped on the ellip for my 30 minutes. And once again, I thought I was going to drop dead. My quads were burning, and I just felt so and tired and awful. I only finished 15 minutes! Coming from a girl who can normally bust out 60 minutes with no problem... I was so disappointed and felt frustrated about it for the entire day. A half assed shred, coupled with 15 horrible minutes on the elliptical?! Who was I??

Anyway, after work yesterday I was feeling really good (I give thanks to my 2:30 Diet Mtn. Dew) and thought it would be good to hit the track and see how many laps I could jog. I hadn't even attempted jogging for a long time and I know the longer I wait, the harder it is to get going again. I would guess it had been 6 weeks or so, if not more, so I wasn't expecting to do very well at all. In fact I was expecting it to be pretty terrible.

Well after my 5 minute warm up walk, I jogged an entire mile, without stopping, in 11 minutes and 34 seconds!! My best time yet!! I was (am) so proud, and felt like the queen of the world!! It felt great to bust out an entire mile when I had been thinking i'd barely be able to finish a lap! Anyway, I spent 50 minutes at the track (jogging some and walking some) and burned 53o calories. I think it's safe to say that I stopped feeling so bad about my awful morning workout when all was said and done!

As for today... I am absolutely SPENT. Rather than following my plan and doing an hour on the elliptical today, I am going to do some flexability yoga tonight with the hubs, and call it good. This bod needs a little break!! However, I will absolutely be back on the elliptical tomorrow morning at 5:20, and will be shredding again on Saturday. Can't wait to see how many lbs I lose this week!

2010-05-03T12:21:00.001-07:00

Well I must start by saying how proud I am of Steph, for sticking to blogging AND WOW, even with her injuries, and with me being a horrible blog partner! I don't know why I go through such dry spells with blogging...even when I am doing well in the healthy living department! And not to mention her incredible bikini pictures... I mean... WOW!! I am so proud of that woman!!

So a little update on me. I found myself at 187.8 lbs a couple weeks ago. This was a pretty frustrating realization for me, considering that is 10 lbs HIGHER than what I was the beginning of December. It's really scary to see how fast the pounds can creep back on when you aren't paying full attention.

Anyway, I made an apt. with my gyno to ask for some HELP! I explained to him that I KNOW how to lose weight, but I really struggle with staying on track and staying motivated and keep losing/gaining the same 4 lbs over and over and i'm sick of it! He prescribed me the appetite suppressant Phentermine, and I started it on 4-20-2010. In that first week, I did REALLY well with eating and exercise, and dropped 5.2 lbs. That was very exciting for me! I have never lost that much weight in only 1 week. However, my lovely little friend TOM visited me after that and I am sad to say the next week didn't go so well. But the past is the past, right? It wasn't super horrible, but I could have done better and I know that. I am going to weigh in tomorrow to see the damage, and move forward from there.

A few weeks ago Stephanie and I set a pretty big goal. We decided that we both wanted to be down 20 lbs by July 4. This is when I was weighing 187.8, so I just rounded it up to 188, and I am really looking forward to weighing 168 lbs in July! I am going to make it happen, and I know I can do it.

My exercise routine lately has mostly consisted of 60 minutes on the elliptical most days, as well as playing tennis and hiking or walking with my hubby on other days. This has been working pretty well but I know I really need to focus more on strength training, along with all the cardio. I absolutely LOVE Jillian Michael's 30 day Shred, but I have never stuck with it long enough to see what kind of results it has to offer, so that is going to be my focus for a while. This is my plan for this week:

Monday: 30 day shred, 30 minutes ellip.
Tues: 60 minutes ellip.
Wednesday: Shred, 30 minutes ellip.
Thurs: 60 minutes ellip.
Friday: Some sort of activity with the hubs.
Saturday: Shred.

Sound like a plan?! I thought so :)

Speaking of activities with the hubs... last Monday we thought it would be fun to go for a hike. We live only minutes from the beautiful Wasatch Mountains, and have many many hiking trails at our fingertips. We have really taken that for granted in the past 2 years, and want to get the most out of this area and the beauty that surrounds us while we are here.

So we started up the first trail we came to, and about an hour and a half later reached the end of the trail! It had led us to the most majestic waterfall! It was sooo beautiful and peaceful. It was a pretty tough hike at times, and I kept thinking about how strong my legs felt and how proud I was to be able to do strenuous activities like hiking. There is no way I would have survived this hike 2 years ago, and knowing I have come a long way is such an incredible feeling. When we got back to our car, 2 hours and 22 minutes later, I looked at my heart rate monitor and could NOT believe my eyes! I had burned exactly 1300 calories!! Yes... I may have a long way to go on this path of weightloss and healthy living... but there is no denying I have come a long way!

Edit: Tuesdays weigh in = 180.8 (for a weekly loss of 1.8 lbs! Good for being on tom!)

W.O.W. gets a new look

2010-04-28T13:00:00.000-07:00

Well after much soul searching and advice from a cousin I have taken my fitness in a different direction. So far I am happy to announce I am down 3 pounds this week so far. I have done my elliptical machine twice, a lot of strength training, and just been eating damn close to perfect if not better than perfect (if there is such a thing)

I feel as this has gone on that I am doing the right thing some of the aches and pains that I was haivng have disappeared and Kristan has been a champ helping me with meal plans, reminding me of making good choices, and holding me accountable for my fitness. I am so proud of my eating yesterday I just need to share it:

Breakfast: 3/4 C. Blueberries, 3/4 C Strawberries, 1 scoop of protein (smoothie)
Snack: 1 cup of grapes, 1 low fat cheese stick
Lunch: Lean Cuisine Glazed Chicken and an apple
Snack: 2 pieces of turkey sandwich meat, 1 kiwi, and 3 almonds
Supper: 5 Cups air popped popcorn
Water: 92 ounces

How awesome is that!! It may be tough...but I am tougher. I have to take accountability for my own fitness at one time or another. I am planning to go to strength training tomorrow night too!!

Keep fighting the good fight, it pays off!!!

WOW #3 Week 3-Things Have Changeed

2010-04-23T12:22:00.000-07:00

Its been a long time since I have even thought about you, but the over the last month I have started having really weird and random injuries, but the most alarming of all is I have been taking Ibuprofen before I go and work out and it has gone away from the "ohh" it feels like I worked out to more of an "ouch" this is uncomfortable pain and its scaring me. Plus my competitive nature isn't very good for this either because I don't like to modify or "take it easy" i'm not really very good at it. Generally, when in pain looking back I think "hmmm...so that is where I should have modified"

The thing that is freaking me out the most at this moment though is that I haven't had this weight off for a long enough time to feel safe knowing I can keep it away forever and ever.

Kristan has saved the day, as always, and nobody will ever speak of her negatively in my presence EVER. After this I consider myself lucky to be considered her friend, and with the utmost respect. I was scared, and I am scared...I don't want to stop kickboxing, so she is going to work with me to develop a workout plan and eating plan to get through the next few weeks.

I can't forget how far I have come and where I want to end up...More later...

WOW #3 Week 1- Here I am

2010-04-05T05:44:00.000-07:00

The phantom blogger has returned with vision, motivation, and ready to kick some ass. This wow I can already tell it is going to be some much better, there is more spirit and spunk. Today even the girl next to me was kicking butt and taking names. It was really fun and that hasn't been a word I would have used to describe WOW in a while.

Kristan recommended we journal about the following things to get started with this one. I agree its so much better to start with the goal in mind!!

1. When were you at your peak physical condition?

Surprisingly I would say right now in the last few months I have been at my top physical peak of my entire life. I was always in shape in high school and played a lot of sports, but never in all around good fitness with good eating habits. Generally it was one or the other, but rarely did I sustain doing both.

2. Do you remember how great you felt both mentally and physically?

Yes do, and it is what generally keeps me going. This year I started a new job, am a full time

grad student at UNI, and have been working out at 4:30am since the end of august. Right now

kickboxing has become my prozac, and kept me sane under the pressure. And I feel sexy, lets

be honest, and it feels pretty damn good.

3. What do you have to change about your current habits to attain results like that again?

Right now I have to cut out the excessive carbs, and lower my calories to 1000 to 1200 I hope to

to lose another 25 in this WOW and in order to make a huge change like that I have to keep it

together on the eating and work my ass off.

4. What is your #1 goal for the next 10 weeks?

My main goals for this WOW are continued weight loss, I know it isn't about numbers but when I

started all of this I had a number in the back of my head (150) and I am getting there. I have to

get serious to get the serious results I want. Also, I want to work on being more active outside of

the gym, because that will lead me to developing an overall more active lifestyle and making true

change

5. What are the "solutions" you must stay focused upon in order to attain that goal?

I will not be allowing myself to get dragged into negativity during this WOW, I am going for ME

and only ME. I have a great partner this time, but I will not attribute my success to anyone but

myself. I have all the tools to reach my goals, I just need to use them. This is my mantra for this

WOW, and I will tell it to myself over and over and over if I have to. I need to focus on my own

"personal bank account" because it needs some deposits before I can help others build theirs.

My first 5k!!

2010-02-16T08:22:00.000-08:00

So as you may remember, I had signed up for a "Sweethears 5k" for Feb. 13. Well I did it, and finished in 38 minutes and 42 seconds. My goal was sub 40 so I am very happy with those results!! It was cold, it was rainy, but it was a victory! And of course I enjoyed having my 'sweetheart' at my side! We are planning to do another one on April 10, and my goal is to be able to run the whole thing with no walking breaks. *Crossing fingers* It feels so good to have accomplished a goal like this! I've never been what most people consider a 'runner' but I feel like I am slowly making my way there.

Oh also for Valentines Day my hubby gave me a Nike +. He gave it to me a couple weeks early because I was too excited! Do any of YOU, our readers have one?? I would really like to have friends to add at the nike+ website!!

W.O.W. #2- Week 4 & 5-Halfway Measurements

2010-02-11T06:58:00.000-08:00

Well my last post was a little gloomy about how I was feeling, but now that I am back tracking on sparkpeople, going more with calories, I am a very happy girl!! Also, this week marks the halfway point for this wow, and well let's just say I'm pleasantly thrilled with my results. I am going to put my ending results from November down so you can compare.

My measurements after (Nov. 20):

Body Fat Percentage: 38.3%

Weight: 194.6

Hips: 48"

Waist: 41 3/4"

Chest 40"

Thigh: 26"

Arm: 12 3/4

Push-ups in 1 min.: 19

Sit-ups in 1 min: 43

Halfway Measurements: (February 11)

Body Fat Percentage: 35.2%

Weight: 185.6

Hips: 45"

Waist: 38 3/4"

Chest 39"

Thigh: 26"

Arm: 13"

Push-ups in 1 min.: 27

Sit-ups in 1 min: 44

The weight is getting harder and harder to get off but the inches are still moving in the right direction!!! Yahoo!!!

W.O.W. #2- Week 3-I knew this was coming, but still not prepared

2010-02-03T05:04:00.000-08:00

Well the 3rd week of wow is complete, and I came in UP 2.5 pounds. This is the first time that this has happened for me since the middle of July and I'll be honest...I was devastated. I knew that this WOW was going to be harder, and that the weight was going to come off slower, but UP....UP really?! I have been doing a lot of reflection the last few days about myself and my pitfalls and the pros and cons of the Zone diet. It isn't a lifestyle for me, I am going to incorporate some of its guidelines but I am going back to sparkpeople for tracking, and calorie counting. It should be similar, but for me it just isn't. I have deducted that it has something to do with me mentally because I have been on every fad diet known to man, and despite this not being one mentally I can't get over it feeling like one.

This last weekend was a prime example because John and I had the day off to spend together, we went shopping and just hung out. But I didn't feel like there was anything for me to eat because I was so exhausted that I just couldn't think. I went to McDonalds and tried to do what the Zone says about getting the two hamburger patties and ditching the top of the bun...but I felt ridiculous. And then by the end of the day I was starving and talked myself into a piece of pizza...really?! Then Sunday I spent the day pretty much beating myself up for all my bad choices on Saturday, which was about as productive as trying to get the snow off my driveway in January. But now looking back, the zone just brought to life many of the obstacles that stopped me from weight loss for so long...I can eat what I like, just in moderation. There are better choices to make sometimes, but adding a salad to that hamburger and adding a pile of green beans to that piece of pizza would have been better.

I will continue to eat more protein than I did in my first WOW but 78 grams a day is just too much because I'm not doing enough strength training to need all of that right now. Also, I understand the importance of good carbs over bad carbs. I know that you want to stay in the zone and it doesn't always happen, but this diet just made me fall into many of my old habits like feeling like I was sneaking food if I had a potato or feeling guilty because I wanted spaghetti. Its a great diet...but for me it is not my way of "getting my healthy on" its my way of having all my perfectionist tendencies come to life and to lose confidence in being able to reach my goals.

Wow, that was a lot longer than I was anticipating, but after deciding that Monday morning, here it is Wednesday already and I am down that two measly pounds but I have a sense of freedom that I had before. I'm not where I want to be in WOW, but I'm feeling like I am back on the right track.

W.O.W. #2- Week 2

2010-01-25T06:29:00.001-08:00

This week has been so much better, things are getting to a point of normal. My total loss at this point is 7.8 pounds in 2 weeks, which is pretty awesome. I am definitely feeling the difference of having the protein added in and making sure that it stays there is sometimes the challenge because it is the biggest thing that you can eliminate to save time, which is something that just can't happen.

My breakfast this morning comprised of 1 whole hard boiled egg, 2 hard boiled egg whites, 1/2 Cup of oatmeal (dry with 1 cup of water added, 2 tsp brown sugar, and 9 almonds. Yes you read that correctly and I am LOSING WEIGHT with all that food. It is crazy, and the tone in my muscles is getting much more defined.

well here comes another week!!

W.O.W. #2- Week 1-WOW as an adjective

2010-01-17T14:29:00.000-08:00

Well with one week of the second wow underway, all i can think about is all the ways the WOW has become an adjective in my life. Such as, wow my body is soooo happy that i am working out again at this intensity level, wow my body was exhausted all week, wow zone dieting is hard if you ever leave the house, and wow i have lost a ton of weight.

It is so hard to do this zone diet, because that is exactly what it feels like...a diet. Knowing my track record I don't stick with diets, and I don't want to feel like I am on one. I am trying to make a lot of healthy changes, or eating better foods, but I also got into the habit of eating the same thing over and over and over this week. This attitude I am feeling is hard to deal with because I NEVER felt that way in the last wow, but I just have to keep telling myself that I know Kristan would never give me a task I couldn't accomplish or set me up for failure.

The positive side of the Zone diet is the amount of food I can eat, and my level of satisfaction that I have after meals, as well as how long that satisfaction lasts. I can make it easily between meals instead of struggling to get to the next one. The down side is that I spend FOREVER planning and preparing. Also, I feel like there are so many things I can't have.

The positive side of the week is that I started at 194.4 Monday (which is the result of a few bad weekend choices) and today am at 188.4....which is a 6 pound loss this week!!

Here goes week two...i hope it gets a little easier.

Please help...

2010-01-13T12:30:00.000-08:00

I know money is tight everywhere, but I don't know anyone who can't sacrifice $10 to help aid those in Haiti right now whose lives have been shattered in the earthquake.

I know if I were there, I would be on my knees begging God, praying for help from people like you and me. We are all so blessed people!!! We can't sit here and allow those people to suffer without offering the slightest bit of help.

Right now is the time to help.

Read this article.

Really, just take the 5 minutes and read it please.

Did you read the part that states there could be as many as 100,000 dead? Or maybe even up to 500,000 dead?? Or more???? I can't even imagine the heartache involved in such a disaster.

For those interested in helping immediately (YOU AND ME!), simply text "HAITI" to "90999" and a donation of $10 will be given automatically to the Red Cross to help with relief efforts, charged to your cell phone bill (I checked it out and it's 100% legit. It's sponsored by the mGive Foundation and Every penny of that $10 goes straight to the Red Cross).Once you text, they will text you back asking to confirm. Reply "YES". They will send you 2 more texts and you just reply "STOP" to never hear from them again. Simple as can be.

Or you can go online to organizations like the Red Cross and Mercy Corps to make a contribution to the disaster relief efforts.

Time to get moving!

2010-01-12T12:04:00.000-08:00

I just recieved a phone call from my dear SIL (who accompanied me in the 2 mile fun run last August) who was calling to notify me that she had heard of a Valentine's Day 5k on February 13 that she wants to do, and asked if I would do it with her!

Look to the left -----> and you will see a precious little widget that I just added to our blog. It's official. I was extremely hesitant but I just paid the registration fees for my husband and I and we are ON! No turning back now!! And my SIL is currently in the process of talking her hubby into it as well.

I also called my Dr. today to see when exactly I could start jogging again and they said TODAY. A week ago, actually! It turns out that I only HAD to wait 4 weeks rather than 6 like I thought. Both with upper body strength training, and jogging. This Friday will be my 6 week mark, so I am going to start up jogging tonight at my cardio class! I'm super nervous about this 5k considering it is IN A MONTH, but I think this is just the kick in the pants I needed to get going again!

Needing to talk...

2010-01-11T09:06:00.001-08:00

I don't really know where this post is heading, but I just feel like I need to write.

The past 2 days have been rough. I spent the weekend binging, feeling like crap and having major cramps, and allowing myself to have a bad attitude. I started my period last week and Saturday the binging began. I ALWAYS feel horrible when I binge and I don't understand why I let it happen in the first place. Lately I've been finding myself doing negative self talk. I find myself thinking "Yeah... I'm way too lazy to lose any more weight." "Yeah, I ate something bad for breakfast so there is no turning this day around now and I may as well not even exercise." THESE STATEMENTS ARE WRONG. It's like a form of self abuse and when I look at it that way, I can't believe that I just sit here and allow myself to be abused (by myself...). I guess I have just lost my momentum and am allowing that to make me feel like a failure?? I really don't know. Then I find myself on certain days feeling really great and motivated and have a really awesome and healthy day, and then the next day I feel careless again.

There is a person in my life who is overweight and she is CONSTANTLY telling me "I HAVE GOT to lose this weight. I'm so miserable and fat and I hate it. I'm changing this right now. I AM GOING TO LOSE THIS WEIGHT..." Then she will diet and exercise for one day, and then go right back to her same bad habits, and then the next week she is back telling me how miserable she is and how she HAS GOT to lose this weight... It is a vicious cycle that she lets herself be stuck in and I really really fear becoming exactly like that person.

Now writing all this down and reading it I feel like I'm being way hard on myself and I'm thinking perhaps my hormones (yes, it's that lovely time again!) are to blame? Because I'm normally a very positive person. I think (know) that not being able to run is really affecting my outlook on things as well as the way I feel about myself. I will be able to start jogging again next week and OMG I can't wait. I know it's going to be hard starting over, but I really can't wait. After every jog, no matter if I only ran .25 miles at a time or 2 miles at a time, I always feel a huge sense of accomplishment and like I am truly making progress in my overall fitness, as well as my goal of losing weight. So I am really looking forward to jogging again and getting back into that routine of progression.

Anyway, today my thoughts good. I at a Zone perfect bar for breakfast, I brought some DELICIOUS homemade ham and chicken pot pie for lunch (hubby made it and it's a relatively healthy recipe and oh-so yummy!) and am having homemade minestrone soup and roasted veggies for supper. I feel so good about things when my day is planned out like that. I am also taking my lunch time walk today, and John and I are walking to the little vegetable stand after work today to buy some veggies for roasting, and I will do my 45 minutes on the elliptical tonight.

I want to say that I am so thankful for having Stephanie as a partner in this journey. Reading her blogs ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS encourages me and gives me the little bits of inspiration that I need, and I want SO BADLY to be that person for her again. She has made her long term goal 140 lbs, and I've never told her or anybody else this but my *dream* goal has always been 150 lbs. I have just never put it on paper or told a single soul because I thought it would be too hard for me and unrealistic so I settled for 160 as my long term goal. Well guess what Stef? I'm changing my goal to 150 because you gave me the courage to be true to myself. Thank you!!

So: how have I been doing on my January goals?
#1- Get back to the track in 2 weeks because that's when the Dr. said I will be good to go with running. Still waiting for this one, but it's gonna happen!
#2- Cook at least 3 dinners at home per week and eat the leftovers! Doing really well here. John has been cooking some too, but we are both very much more aware about eating at home AND eating the leftovers rather than letting things go to waste
#3- Exercise at least 45 minutes, 4 times a week. Didn't completely accomplish this one last week, as I only did 3 days. But this week is a new week and I plan to make it to 4 days.
#4- Read the daily sparkblog EVERY DAY. I've done just great here too. Even days when I wasn't exactly feeling motivated, I would read the blog because I knew it was part of my goals and that I needed to do it.
#5- BRING LUNCH TO WORK. Doing great here as well. Bringing lunch to work is SUCH AN IMPORTANT THING for me or else I find myself getting into trouble in the middle of the day and heading to the cafe. Having a lunch AND snacks at work helps me in achieving my goals.

I have these goals posted on my wall in my office, and in the kitchen at home right next to my calender. I have also told John about these goals and of course he can see them hanging on the wall in the kitchen. I know having them in sight as well as having John know about them helps me keep them in my mind.

So there we are. Overall not too bad with my January goals, I just needed a serious attitude adjustment and I think blogging gave me just that. Proof that I need to blog more often...

I have also been researching 5ks in my area for this spring and summer, and there is one on April 10 that John and I are going to sign up for! I am so excited and I know that signing up and paying for it will help in my motivation. We can't officially sign up until February 1st, but I am definitely going to do it that day.

John has started working out again and wants to try P90X (his bro said he would burn the discs for him) and I'm really proud of him for wanting that. He hasn't worked out much since winter hit but things work out so much better when we are both trying to achieve healthy goals and being a support for one another. I'm so thankful for him!

Anyway, there it all is. What a blog! I'm looking forward to making this week a success in my path of enjoying a healthy lifestyle

The eve before W.O.W. #2 and my goals

2010-01-10T16:38:00.000-08:00

Tonight I am sitting here awaiting the morning when wow gets under way. There are a lot of changes this time because we are going to be with a partner, and then with a team. I don't know how this will work, it will motivate me so I hope that it motivates others so that the team dynamic will work.

As for our eating, we are going more into what Kristan calls "zone eating" so we have to have 3 blocks of protein, 3 blocks of carb, and 3 blocks of fat at breakfast/lunch/supper, and then 1 block of each at the two snacks. I spent a large portion of the entire weekend trying to plan and well i came to a few conclusions: 1) i am a perfectionist, 2)that i relied too heavily on carbohydrates, and 3)this is going to be very hard to do long-term unless i get this figured out. I am just worried that my perfectionist tendencies may lead me to not eat if i don't know that i am doing it right for fear of doing it wrong. see how scatterbrained this paragraph sounds, well that is how successful i was at meal planning, i think i got about three days completed. Then we have the problem of tuesdays and wednesdays when i have nights classes...ugh...so i will have to eat on the run which this diet doesn't appear to lend itself to AT ALL. I have a lot to learn but wow here we go.

My measurements were very close to my ending ones, I can feel that i lost some muscle tone but I expected that because I did more yoga than strength training during our break. Although i did do my pictures in a bikini...yes a bikini...and will post them at the end with my final pictures.

I have a lot of goals for this wow because I could get almost to my goal of 140 pounds by the end. I don't even know what that looks like or how it will feel because I haven't ever been there and been able to maintain it. However, my first goal is to plan all of my meals in advance because it really does help, then I want to have perfect attendance again (even though it doesn't count, it counts for me), and I want to finish this wow with SERIOUS definition in my arms and legs so that that bikini may actually get worn, and I want to be able to do 40 push-ups.

Well I am going to blog at least each week, maybe more if I can.

It's been way too long...

2010-01-04T09:54:00.000-08:00

OK I'm not going to dwell on how long it's been since I've blogged. Bottom line is: Stephanie suggested that I need to blog, and she is right. So here I am.

I am anti new year's resolution, but this year I do plan on taking up running again (I should be able to get back on the track in 2 weeks, I obviously haven't run or exercised much since the beginning of December). My big plan for the year is to sign up for, and RUN lots and lots of 5k's. Maybe even 10k's! But 5k's for sure. I was finally to the point of being able to run 1 mile without stopping (it took me 12 minutes, but still!) So I am excited to get back to that, as well as get to running 3.1 miles without stopping. I know I can do it!! Little by little I can do it.

I really need to start focusing more on my intake as well. December was just a disaster for me as far as eating well and exercising. I really want to start cooking a lot again, and with my husband being graduated from college finally, he will be home to eat dinner with me every night.

So let me take this time to write out my goals for this MONTH:
#1- Get back to the track in 2 weeks because that's when the Dr. said I will be good to go with running.
#2- Cook at least 3 dinners at home per week and eat the leftovers! I've been going out too much and wasting food, and being lazy with cooking.
#3- Exercise at least 45 minutes, 4 times a week. I've been so lazy for a month, and it's time to get my head back into the game.
#4- Read the daily sparkblog EVERY DAY. As much as I do get burned out on Sparkpeople.com sometimes, it really helps me to read the daily blog.
#5- BRING LUNCH TO WORK.

So those are my 5 goals for this month. I am going to type them up on a word document and print them off and hang them on my fridge, and my wall at work, and write them on my calender. I have a tendency to make goals and forget all about them, but not this time! I will post my progress on this blog throughout the month.

Not Ready For No W.O.W.

2009-12-23T04:39:00.000-08:00

Unfortunately I have realized that there is a long time between november 20 and january 9, I thought I was going to be just fine. I haven't gained any weight but its the same thing as saying "well i stayed in my 1200 calorie range....without a single fruit or vegetable." I never became dependent on W.O.W. and I know that it takes 21 days to develop a habit, which is why I am posting this at 5:50 am, but there were a few days that things just got to be too much for me to handle, and I was simply tracking my food because I didn't want to let andrea or kristan down. It sounds kind of pathetic but it is the kind of motivation that works for me, not for everyone of course, but I don't like letting people down or myself down. But right now, it is hard because I don't have anyone ready to chew my ass if I keep making the same mistakes, or the constant motivation.

Also, I feel very paranoid because as I have been getting new clothes that actually fit I freak out when my pants are tight, or a shirt is a little snug, and I have to make a very conscious effort to tell myself to shut up because these clothes are all my size now. Plus, during WOW andrea and I both were just wearing our clothes big because didnt and still aren't sure how small we are going to be. I bought my first pair of jeans in a size 16 (which is down from size 20 in august), and my first shirt that is a size large since well the beginning of time, I can't tell you when I have ever worn a large. So I feel like I went from wearing MC HAMMER pants (eww evidence of my age, if you don't know what I am talking about google "can't touch this" by M.C. Hammer) to skinny jeans.

Not sure why I felt strong enough about this to blog about, but now that the hype is over I have to keep looking ahead to my goals....and pull my head out of my !@#$%@ because I do know what carbs are so I need to knock off my excuses about them.

Burnout and Exhaustion

2009-12-18T05:32:00.000-08:00

Believe it or not it isn't from working out, its from life in general. This last week and a half has really given me a run for my money. It is time for Christmas break because I am losing patience with my students, who's behaviors are absolutely not their fault because they are reinforced at home, however inappropriate for school they may be. I just don't have a lot of "fight" in me right now to nip these in the butt.

Finals at UNI are finally over...and I think I survived. I wrote a 21 page annotated bibliography, a 7 page book analysis, 150 pages of portfolio work, and an option project that was 14 pages about student-led IEP. My brain hurts, and I just have no ambition to do anything. I am about ready to put Ghandi in the VCR seriously and coast into break. I can't believe i even just said that.

Thankfully, my eating has been good so I haven't gained any weight, but I sure as hell haven't lost any either. I have been doing Biggest Loser Weight Loss Yoga, so it isn't that I haven't done anything...I think that it just feels like it. Also, I have to learn how to not beat myself up because I do have my priorities straight...and that was my graduate classes, but damn I feel like a slacker.

Ok I just had to share that.

In Remembrance...of Amy Jensen

2009-12-02T05:27:00.001-08:00

I haven't had the strength to watch these until last night, but I really want to share them with people. Amy was a student at the last school that I taught at, I had her little brother who you will see in the video (that is huge now) in my very first class I taught.

Amy was diagnosed with osteosarcoma, a type of bone cancer during the spring of 2007, I became her tutor while she was going through chemo, both rounds. I would get her assignments from her teacher, and then spend time with her and teach her the material that she missed. That went on her entire junior year of high school, and she just went to school when she felt up to it to see her friends.

I am sure that Amy taught me more than I ever taught her, about the human spirit. She was the true definition of everything that is good in the world, and the strength of a true fighter. I was truly lucky to have known her. Please watch these.

http://www.keloland.com/videoarchive/index.cfm?VideoFile=112409eye

http://www.keloland.com/videoarchive/index.cfm?VideoFile=112509eye

This blog is all about our journey in health and fitness. These are about Amy's final gift to her family and friends. Why do we let ourselves live unhealthy lives...because we feel like it? because we can if we want to? I think about Amy a lot and the life that I get to live compared to hers that was cut so short. We can save ourselves, and she couldn't, but she gave it a hell of fight.

My favorite memory of Amy happened one day when I came over to work on her algebra and there was this really pretty little bouquet of flowers on the table and I said "Amy these are way pretty?" She replied, "well i let Snipper (her dog) out to go to the bathroom and his leash got snagged around my crutches, I fell down the stairs into the flower bush....and I figured while I was there I would pick a bouquet." That was Amy, nothing got in her way.

Get off the couch and get going, being overweight is a preventable condition but the side effects of it can take you away from those you love the most.

And the Winner is....ME!!!

2009-11-30T05:27:00.001-08:00

Last night at our banquet for W.O.W. the results were finally shared of who the winners were. I had really hoped I would but until it actually happened, I really didn't think I would. I was even thinking when I was getting ready to go up to our get together last night that I really didn't care because I had already won so many things. I'm a lister by nature, I have daily to-do lists and that is what I was doing in my head about all the reasons that I already won so I want to share it because I came up with some pretty good stuff:

I talk to myself more positively
I don't have fat days anymore...just ones where I knew I had too much salt the day before
My husband bought me a new outfit from Vanity and I didn't have to say,"Honey, you know clothes from that store only fit skinny people"
I can go out to eat and take pride in knowing that I made good choices
For all the great people I have met at Average Joe's, to help cancel out some of the negative ones in my life
That I know when people say nothing at all about my weight loss...that it now comes as the world's greatest compliment.
The confidence I have around my family (if you knew my family you would understand)
That my husband says tells me I look good...with a little different look in his eye
That despite screwing up a few times, I actually stuck with something, saw it through, and now see the results.
Know that I have spent my last dollar on anything that has a headline that says "Get Skinny Quick"
Have cried for the last time watching Biggest Loser...because I won W.O.W. with the results I had, carried 9 credits on my Masters, AND started a brand new job IN THE SAME THREE MONTHS.
Don't get food to make me feel better about anything
Hearing my husband say he's really proud of me

Well that was yesterday and I don't want to minimize my success thus far, but I also don't want it to cloud my better judgement. This is the halfway point of where I am headed, and now I am going into uncharted territory, into a level of fitness I haven't ever seen before, so I have to keep my eye on the ball. My goal is to lose another ten pounds before the next W.O.W. starts January 9th....eek. It is weird I took my week off like Kristan told us too, and I lost 2.5 more than when I did my final weigh in.

So, onward into bootcamp on Mondays/Wednesdays/Fridays and then Jillian Maximize Frontside on Tuesdays and Maximize Backside on Thursdays. And hopefully I can tell Santa to stick his holiday weight this year right up his wooohooo, if you know what I mean.

W.O.W. - The Finale

2009-11-20T03:28:00.000-08:00

Well this is the email that wraps this program all up. In case you are reading this for the first time and have no idea what I am talking about, August 31st I began a program called W.O.W., which stands for the Workout of Workouts. It is a 12 week program, where you go to the gym here in my hometown Monday through Friday from 4:30-5:15am to workout, attend a weekly meeting from 5:15-5:30am on Mondays, and then you are also responsible for turning in your food logs every week showing our instructors what you have been eating so that you can get feedback from them or tips to help you maximize. Mon/Wed/Fri are cardio kickboxing and Tues/Thurs are strength training.

Doesn't sound that profound does it? It doesn't have a catchy slogan or a cheesy infomercial just a few people that give a crap about helping people live better lives. And all they wanted me to do was give them 45 minutes of my day and write down what i was eating....not that complicated is it?! When I started this I had excitement that was building up, but in the back on my head I really thought that that excitement would fade and that it would probably be another one of those things that I tried that just didn't work for me. And boy was I wrong. Here are my pics, the files are kind of big, but this is the beginning and after pics, I will post my original beginning pic when I get it so there is a good comparison.

Before

This morning at final weigh in-i'll be honest....damn i look hot

My measurements before (Aug. 31):

Body Fat Percentage: 41.8%

Weight: 224.5

Hips: 51 1/2"

Waist: 48 3/4"

Chest: 43 1/2"

Thigh: 28 1/2"

Arm: 13 3/4"

Push-Ups in 1 min: 0

Sit-Ups in 1 min: 30

My measurements after (Nov. 20):

Body Fat Percentage: 38.3%

Weight: 194.6

Hips: 48"

Waist: 41 3/4"

Chest 40"

Thigh: 26"

Arm: 12 3/4

Push-ups in 1 min.: 19

Sit-ups in 1 min: 43

I have been instructed to take a few days off after an intensive program like this, and my body is telling me the same thing....but alas no worries because I start Kickboxing Bootcamp November 30th at 4:30 AM....followed by the next W.O.W. starting January 9!!!!!!

W.O.W. Week 10

2009-11-11T11:45:00.000-08:00

Yes I have fallen off the face of the planet a few weeks. I am still making a lot of progress on W.O.W. and learning so much about myself that it is insane. Currently I am weighing in at 198.6 pounds, which brings my complete loss to 25.9 pounds since I started this program and 36 since January when I really started trying to lose weight the right way.

SYSK: Kristan Steinbron

This is a link to me on the KWWL news, which is a local news channel here in Northeast Iowa, and they have a segment called "Someone You Should Know" and I nominated my teacher at my gym for it and she got it!! It was great, but it is a inside look into what I have been doing for the last almost 11 weeks now.

I am happy about the fact that I am not the same person I was when I started this. I don't feel deprived any way about the choices that I am making. There are some days that are alot harder than others, but I don't want to be that girl anymore or ever again.

Other things that I have found that have helped me include:

1. www.smoothiecompany.com you can order the mixes and protein powder off this website and it gives you 20 grams of protein, and it really helps you feel full but you can't taste the protein powder at all (and that is really saying something because generally that stuff makes me gag like crazy) A girl at class introduced me to this and man I love it, and it is so low maintenance for in the morning.

2. South Beach High Protein Cereal Bars- Again for only 140 cals you get 10 grams of protein, so many of us when we are trying to lose weight cut out the wrong things. If you eat the proper amount of protein, you won't even notice that you are under 1200 cals in a day because YOU FEEL FULL!!! its really neat. This is one of my favorite ways to get in some extra.

3. The Power of Poached Eggs- I haven't ever been a breakfast person, I really got an intervention from Kristan in class about this because it really has become the most important one of the day for me. This is a meal that I will have any time of day because just boil about 5 inches of water, break two eggs into a dish then dump in the water (simultaneously put one piece of toast down in toaster), let it boil over at least twice, scoop them out onto the toast, put a little salt and pepper on them.....and taaaada you have an amazing meal that will keep you going for 3-4 hours for 15 grams of protein and under 300 cals.

4. Plan ahead or plan to fail!! Plan your meals ALL OF THEM and stick to it the best you can. I even put my food for the entire day into my spark nutrition tracker then the next morning I go in and make a few changes if they did, but normally i delete stuff.

However, the most important thing that I have learned through this journey so far....is that there is no meal on earth or food that can make me feel better than trying on the smallest pair of jeans I own (SIZE 16) and have them be baggy like I did THIS MORNING!!!!!

To anyone reading this that is just waiting to lose weight until they have time to spend on it, have money to pay for it, or whatever, don't miss out on your life. If working out at home doesn't work for you (like me), or you prefer to work out at home but are burned out from what you are doing. Make an investment in yourself, because when you stop giving yourself a choice about being unhealthy...change will happen. And

Yikes

2009-11-09T12:34:00.000-08:00

So it's been a good 1.5 months since I updated. UGH.

Anyway, I really fell off the face of the planet there for a while, but I'm very happy to say that I am back in the saddle again, and going on day 8 of exercising and eating moderately well. Not perfect by any means, but pretty good. I have some exciting things coming up in the next few months (kind of personal, not really blog worthy) that are really motivating me right now, so I'm running with it while I can! With the holidays coming up I know I'm really going to have to hunker down and keep my goals in mind, but I think I'm ready for it.

I love being able to go to bed at night and think about my day, and feel proud of the choices I've made.

W.O.W. Week 6-Half Way Point

2009-10-13T05:17:00.000-07:00

Well to say that this has been easy would be a big fat lie, but to say that it has been worth it would be the biggest understatement I have ever heard also. On Saturday we had our weigh in, measurements, and did our 1 min of push-ups/sit-ups to check on our progress. You will never hear me complain about getting up at 4am ever again.

Beginning Measurements Today's Measurements

Body Fat: 41.8% Body Fat: 39.9%

Weight: 224 Weight: 206

Hips: 51.5" Hips: 49.5"

Upper Thigh: 28.5" Upper Thigh: 26"

Waist: 48.75" Waist: 43.5"

Upper Arm: 13.75" Upper Arm: 14"

Chest: 43.5" Chest: 41.5"

Yes you are reading those right people....I would like you to focus in on my waist...5.25" lost, I was in such disbelief that I made her measure it again.

There just isn't a lot to say this week, it is Tuesday and I am still very much speechless. However, my only words to those that read our blog, is that it is a sure bet that if I can make these changes in 6 weeks that anyone can. I don't need Biggest Loser to motivate me, because I'm not on a TV show, this is my life and I am back in control of it.

W.O.W. Week 5

2009-10-07T05:27:00.000-07:00

This week I learned a lot about how hard it is eating out and not being at home while maintaining a diet regime. Plus I had a really horrible cold last week too, but I didn't use it as an excuse to not get my butt out of bed and go to class.

We had a different instructor on Friday, TJ, and he really was awesome. It was different to have us warming up on the bags, and we got to do more sparring which is one of my favorite things to do. But overall it was just a hell of a good workout.

I didn't lose any weight this week, but I didn't gain either. I'm taking that as a victory in and of itself because I went to two of my favorite types of restaurants, mexican and panera bread, and I did a good job of ordering etc. Then Saturday we went to a wedding and I just didn't plan right, I thought I would make it through without any kinks, but I didn't. My body was starving and I had a few beers with friends...so I ate the food. But week 6 is going to be better.

I can't wait till next week, we are weighing, measuring, and doing our Body fat % because it will mark the halfway point for us.

W.O.W. Week 4

2009-10-01T05:15:00.000-07:00

This week has been a roller coaster, I was up a pound then I was down 3-4 but I settled on Monday morning at 210 which puts me down 2 more pounds and brings me to a total of 14 pounds that i have lost in exactly one month....I now completely understand why the name of the class is WOW.

My biggest fear is the lack of hours in a day right now. I know that if I didn't get up and work out it isn't like I would get up and work on homework, but I am so stressed out in every area of my life that it is so awesome that I have an outlet at the gym because I think I would go insane because this is the one thing that I am doing right and seeing the results.

I signed up for Kickboxing Bootcamp that starts November 30 and goes through the last week in December, then I signed up for the W.O.W. that starts January 9th. Crazy I know, but my fear is that I would have too much time to talk myself out of it if I didn't and obviously this is working.

Every week I feel myself getting strong, and looking in the mirror in the morning seeing my shoulders getting defined, and putting on pants and not having them cut me in half. This change in my life should have happened so long ago, but the past is the past and the future is what I am going to make of it. Our kickboxing is getting harder and harder, which it feels so damn good to just sweat my ass off. The strength training is awesome and the girl that teaches us (lyndie) is buff as hell and well I'll be honest I want her shoulders...hahah. I have been constantly pushing myself to use more weight for curls, and red bands for resistance. Every day I am getting closer to the me I want to be on the outside that I am already on the inside.

Never in a million years did I think I would say this, but it takes 21 days to develop a habit and well I have....I like getting up at 4:00am to work out. I can't think of any other way I would want to start my day and as I sit here at my desk at school knowing I have another hour before anyone will be here to bother me I know that I was always meant to be a morning exerciser and that this is the beginning of the rest of my life. I am going to beat the cycle in my family, I am going to be healthy and fit when john and I decide to try to have a baby, and I am going to be proud of the fact that I signed myself up for this damn class for the rest of my life that started me on this journey.

Because blogging is my therapy...

2009-09-28T13:29:00.000-07:00

UGH. Sometimes I frustrate myself beyond belief.

I skipped lunch today.

I didn't bring anything from home, and suddenly realized how hungry I was about 30 minutes ago (2 pm). So instead of running to Subway down the block, I ran to Burger King, also just down the street. And I ordered a Whopper with cheese, and a medium fry. The whole time I was doing it, I kept thinking "Mallory! What are you doing?? You have issues girl. You have issues. This isn't what you really want." Seriously, that's what a conversation in my head looks like when I am about to binge. And then I generally follow thru with my bad behavior, even though I know it's not going to make me happy. It's something that I do and that I need to get a grip on. Anyway, I got the food back here to work, pigged down all the fries without hardly even tasting them, and cut the burger in half and only ate half. Then threw the other half out. Which I guess you could say that's a good thing, but I still just consumed 695 calories (probably more including the cheese) and I feel so gross. Stomach hurting, the works. I'm so disappointed in myself and wish that I would just use my willpower to stop these behaviors. UGH. I really need to get over this completely unhealthy eating thing that's been happening off and on for the past week. I haven't stepped on the scale for a week or so, but I'm sure it wouldn't be pretty if I did. I am really starting to miss that feeling of LOSING WEIGHT. I feel like one little part of me is saying "Good job, Mal! You've lost 30 lbs now you're good to go!" And of course I know that's not true.

Anyway, I really need to do this for myself so I am promising YOU, Internet, that I am going to go jogging tonight. I think with my exercise routine being out of whack it really hasn't helped my eating struggles. So that's what I will do this evening. At least 45 minutes worth of jogging/walking. AND I will go to the store and get a few Healthy Choice meals to bring for lunches. Those tend to keep me in line pretty well. Phew. Feeling a little better already. I'll report back tomorrow on how that all goes.

I have issues.

2009-09-23T11:42:00.000-07:00

With food, that is. But I already knew that.

It's time to confess... I am EXTREMELY disappointed in myself and I feel like I won't be able to let it go until I just write it all down and officially get over it.

The last 2 days have been a complete disaster, both with exercise and eating. I mean DISASTER. I have just been craving sweets and saltys, and I've given in more than I would like to admit. I mean king sized candy bars, doughnuts galore, hamburgers and fries (x2), gigantic breakfast burritos, hot dogs, cookie dough... you name it. And I have no excuses so I'm not even going to go there.

As far as exercising, I decided after my jog on Saturday to take a break from jogging for now because I have what seems to be a pulled muscle in my thigh that is just not going away. It's actually really weird, half the time it feels like a pinched nerve, half the time it feels like its a pulled muscle, and when it first happened it felt like it was in my hip socket. It happened when I was wearing those horrible awful shoes, and it seems like I just hurt it all over again each time I go jogging. I would just push through the pain and get over it but I've decided that I really need to let it heal before it becomes something worse. And I had every intention of doing the elliptical or biking in place of jogging, but I just haven't done it. End of story.

Anyway, today I am back on track with my eating, and planning a 60 minute bike ride this evening. I'm actually really looking forward to it because it's been a while since I have ridden. I'm also looking forward to the over all good feeling that I get from exercise, because my choices the past few days have really had a negative effect on my overall outlook. It's amazing how the things you eat, and lack of exercise effect your entire life.

Well now that I have, in a way, made my confession, I feel like I am over this and officially moving on. I'm so done feeling icky. I have reason to believe i've been craving like mad due to PMS but I'm not using that as an excuse. I know I'm stronger than that and I'm happy to be done with it.

Have a great day everyone! I'm feeling better already.

W.O.W. Week 3

2009-09-21T15:50:00.000-07:00

Well it is the week of the plateau...I was only down one pound this week to 212. I am not complaining, I knew it was coming I just wasnt quite ready for the tidal wave of weight to stop coming off.

Last week the strength training we did was incredibly intense, and by the end of the week Lyndie had me in pain. But it was such a good pain, and muscles that needed to be worked but on my own I would have had no idea how to.

This week I am making sure that I am focusing on staying strong with recording my food on sparkpeople, and working through this stagnate time instead of using it as my excuse to make a few mistakes. Here we go!!!

Just for the hell of it.

2009-09-18T10:18:00.001-07:00

Because I'm having somewhat of a crap day, and am desperately searching for ways to tune out until 4:30...

I completely forgot to blog about my new running shoes that I got a couple weeks ago.

These pretty little babies... Introducing the Pearl izumi Syncropace III's.

Let me start off with saying... if you don't have comfortable running shoes and you're running... INVEST IN NEW SHOES. Really. Just do it. I went to a running shoe store, they performed a (free) computerized foot analysis which showed that I slightly over pronate and should get a stability shoe (be sure to go to a place who does this! it's very cool and informative). So I tried on about a million pairs of different stability shoes, tested them out on the treadmill and everything, and went home with a pair that I thought were the answer to my prayers. I took them out for a spin that night, and the next morning I could barely walk my legs and hips hurt so bad. Literally. COULD BARELY WALK. Those suckers jacked me up in a way that I didn't even know was possible. Turns out they had a little too much stability for me, and were making my over pronating feet become under pronating feet. Luckily my shoe store of choice has a 15 day return policy so I went back and tried on a million MORE pairs, and came home with these lime green hot mommas.

OK so maybe HOT MOMMAS isn't exactly the right word here but hey, they are 360 degree reflective, so chances are I will never get run over by a car while jogging. They are by far the most expensive yet least attractive shoe I have ever bought in my life (they are a much brighter green than they look in the picture). But incredibly awesome and worth every penny considering that I have not had ONE SECOND of shin pain/ knee pain since wearing these! I almost can't even believe it. Even the smallest jogs in my old shoes (seriously small, like 15 seconds of jogging) would result in shin pain for the rest of the day on my right leg. I was wrapping it in ace bandages, resting, icing... and the next time I would go out BAM. Shin pain once again. But now I can run 9 whole minutes (hello, can you tell I'm proud?!) in a row without stopping, and still no shin pain!!

I've really been loving the whole jogging thing lately. I've sort of ditched the couch to 5k program, and taken off on my own program. I feel like it got me started really well and now I just want to do my own thing. An evening at the track goes like this - 1 lap warm up walk, 3 laps jogging (9 minutes), 1 lap walk, 3 laps jogging (another 9 minutes), 1 lap walk, and 3 MORE laps jogging, followed by a cool down for however long I feel like walking, typically 2 or 3 more laps. Not bad for a girl who could barely jog 60 seconds a couple months ago. I've done this about 4 or 5 times, and I think next week I will move those 3 laps up to 4 laps!! Which means I will officially be jogging ONE MILE WITHOUT STOPPING. I never thought I'd see the day, but I know I'll be able to do it. I'm already so close at 3 laps! Jogging is not easy for me. I've sort of come to the conclusion that it will never be easy for me. But the thing that keeps me going is the way I feel AFTER a jog. Wow. It's unlike anything I've ever felt. I get such a feeling of accomplishment, knowing that I'm really pushing myself and knowing that each time I go out, I'm getting just a little bit closer to accomplishing my goal of running a 5k and it's just an all around awesome feeling. I love it so much and am so glad that I took that first scary as can be step towards becoming a jogger.

And now I will wrap it up, but I am curious... who is out there?? I mean YOU. Reading this. I've noticed that we have some recurring readers (though there are few, I know you are out there!) and I just want to know who you are! Leave a comment or something so we can come check out your blog(s) too!

W.O.W. Week 2

2009-09-14T05:30:00.000-07:00

Well I guess WOW is its name for a very good reason. I have been eating like an absolute rockstar for two weeks now with no real mess ups or laps in judgement and it has paid off. I weighed in this morning at 4 am at 213 pounds...which is down 6 this week and 11 total for the program. Did you read the subject line....yes week 2 of 12. I can't hardly believe what I am saying.

This last week that hardest part was going out in public. If I could just hibernate in my house eating healthy would be so easy, but that just isn't real life. I went out with my association friends on Friday night for a beer, but instead of Bud Light I ordered Michelob Ultra, which is surprisingly good. I have yet to find on the shelf the Bud Select 55 that my friend Stephanie says in delish too. But I just don't drink hard alcohol, because I underestimate its effect on me, so I have to stick with what I know.

Other than that the meal logging and calorie counting is coming pretty easily at this point, but I am not getting enough protein I don't think. I'm just not sure how to get it in which is something that would be good to meet with Kristan about. The workouts are great and I actually like getting up in the morning early, and getting such a good start to the day. Well here's to a good Monday!! and a rapidly approaching week 3, can't wait to see what my body is capable of this week.

W.O.W. Week 1

2009-09-12T12:16:00.000-07:00

The first week of WOW ended successfully, I weighed in at 224 and at the end of this week I was down to a surprising 219. This simply depended on the scale that I was using because according to my home scale it was 217.8, but I was extremely ecstatic about a 5 pound loss in one week.

The hardest challenge that first week surprisingly wasn't getting up at 4 am, but actually making my body go to sleep at 8-8:30 at night. The first few nights I would fall asleep and wake up at midnight because I think my body thought I was taking a nap or something. However, then the sheer exhaustion of my day set in.

Our coach Kristan made a very important statement before we started this journey and she said that if you don't plan...plan to fail. This couldn't be more true, because I lay out my work clothes next to my workout clothes the night before, and pack my lunch with plenty of snacks, generally a couple extras just incase I get a craving or something. This week I have stayed at or below 1200 calories which is very impressive for me.

Kristan is someone who easily motivates you because she is also a nurse, so she doesn't just know the workout side of fitness but has such a wide grasp on the nutrition side as well. She met with each of us individually this week to go over food logs and for us to verbally express our goals to her so she understands why we are in the class. I told her I just want my body back better than I have ever had it and that I want to break the cycle of overweight women in my family. She heard me and reminded me that when I get more comfortable to talk to them about it and show them that eating healthy isn't as hard as everyone makes it out to be. Her final thought for me that really stuck out was "if you don't make a change how do you expect to get one"...soooo true.

One year anniversary

2009-09-11T08:03:00.000-07:00

Today marks my 1 year anniversary in this journey towards a new healthy lifestyle! I am happy to be able to say that I have lost exactly 30.0 lbs in the past year. Wow. If I am being completely honest I have to say that I never thought that was possible for me. And while I do really wish that I had tried harder, been more dedicated, and lost more weight, I am also very happy with having any loss at all. The biggest and most important lesson that I have learned in the past year is that I CAN DO IT. I really can lose weight if I will just try. And that's a really great lesson as far as I am concerned, because I honest to goodness didn't know if it was possible before.

So in honor of my anniversary, I will share my stats from one year ago, and from today.

9/11/08
207.8 lbs.
waist- 38 in.
hips- 46 in.
arms- 14 in.
thighs- 28 in.
bust-42 in.
ribs - 38 in.

9/11/09
177.8 lbs.
waist- 34 in.
hips- 42.5 in.
arms- 14 in.
thighs- left= 26 in. right= 26.5 in.
bust- 40 in.
ribs- 35.5 in.

Total loss of 30 lbs.

and 15.5 inches.

6:30 am on a Sunday

2009-09-06T04:36:00.000-07:00

I have been extremely absent from life if general the last couple weeks. Two weeks ago I started my new job at the high school teaching level III special education. I was so nervous in the beginning but I am really feeling like i am getting into the swing of things. Then I started classes at UNI to work on my Masters Degree in Special Education which is looking to be a hell of alot more work than I was anticipating.

However, the most exciting thing that I have done was last Saturday, August 29th, I weighed in for WOW. Wow stands for the Workout of Workouts. We attend class five days a week, four of which are just the people in our program, and the 5th we can attend a class of our choice. Monday and Wednesday are cardio kickboxing, and Tuesday/Thursday are strength training.

I weighed in at 224 pounds and my body fat percentage was 41%...not great numbers but I didn't know what the numbers would look like. I have a long way to, but after week 1 of WOW I am down to 216.4 right now on my home scale. There have been many times that I am questioning if that can even be possible, because I am eating, satisfied, and not starving. The diet that we are on with WOW stresses the importance of lean protein. Our instructor says our calories should come from 60% protein, 20% carbs, and 20% other. My diet varies every day and I have been eating a variety of different meals. If you are my friend on sparkpeople check out my tracker.

At 6 weeks we will measure and weigh, but we won't do our body fat analysis again until the middle of november. This is my pledge to blog about my progress each week through this journey. I can't wait to see what my body is capable of achieving.

I did it!

2009-08-31T14:26:00.000-07:00

(My shirt looks like it's soaking wet up there, but I promise it's just the shadow of my husband :O)

I'm proud to report that I crossed the finish line in the 2 mile fun run on Saturday. I wasn't able to run the whole thing (which I already knew was going to be the case), but 24 minutes and 7 seconds later, (and 313 calories!) I jogged across the finish line. The first mile was 11 mins and 30 seconds, and the second mile was 12 minutes and 37 seconds. Of course I know this is no world record, but I am still very proud! My very first 'race' that I paid money to attend! And it's fun because now I at least have something to compare myself to, and to work towards. Maybe once a week, or every other week I will time myself in a 2 mile run and watch my progression. Right now I am in week 4 of couch 2 5k, and I still plan on running a 5k this fall. I'd like to set a goal of finishing within 36 minutes or something like that. I guess at it gets closer, I will see. But I definitely AM going to do a 5k this year like I planned!

Edit: I just saw that on the 2oth I made a little goal of finishing within 25 minutes. I had forgotten about that but needless to say, I'm very happy.

I'm gonna make a supersonic manoutta YOU!

2009-08-20T13:32:00.000-07:00

There is nothing that causes greater inner confusion than being 2 minutes and 30 seconds into a 3 minute jogging interval, feeling as though my lungs are going to near explode from my chest, and hearing Queen on my ipod "Don't stop me now! I'm having such a good time... Oh I'm having a ball!" It makes me laugh a little every time, and I love it! Queen is my friend when I run.

Anyway, I just received a little email that went something like this:

Registration Confirmation for: Hess Cancer Foundation Legacy Bike Tour and Half Marathon

Dear Mallory,Congratulations! You are now registered for Hess Cancer Foundation Legacy Bike Tour and Half Marathon on August 29, 2009. Please check the event's official website for updates: http://www.hesscancer.org View your complete registration details »Thank you for helping us with this great cause! Pick up your race packet on Friday, August 28 from noon - 8:00 pm at the South Davis Recreation Center.

It's true. I took this advice and suddenly found myself registering for a race. OK maybe it's not exactly a real true race, but it's a 2 mile fun run which is as close to a race as I've EVER been so I'm still very excited :O) We even get T-shirts and have to wear numbered bibs! I'm doing it with my handsome husband, and his sister and her husband.

Slight concern- The race is in 8 days. And at this point in time I can only jog for 3 minutes and 18 seconds without needing a break... so roughly .35 of a mile. Hmph. I guess it goes without saying that I'm going to be sporting my running shoes from now until then in hopes of building up some stamina! I think either tomorrow or Saturday I will start week 4 of couch to 5k and hopefully get to where I can jog 5 minutes without stopping. Whew! I'm getting exhausted just thinking about it, but very excited too! I'm thinking I need to make a little goal for myself to work towards. Something attainable, but that I'll have to work for. Like to finish within 25 minutes or so?! Wish me luck!

Getting Fit: Motivation

2009-08-19T10:18:00.000-07:00

I wanted to post this here as something that I could look back on when I am struggling with motivation and dedication. It's from a dailySpark blog at SparkPeople.com.

Lately anything that talks about races and running really gets my blood pumping! Every now and then I get back to this basic mode of thinking- Screw getting skinny! Forget wearing smaller clothes and turning heads... I just want to feel good. I want to be able to run. I want to bike. I want to go for long hikes and walk up hilly streets without getting winded, I want to feel how strong my muscles are getting because of all the hard work I've done... That's what this is all about. I'm doing this for me and not anybody else. Anyway I loved this blog. I also really liked the idea of the mini triathlon! I never knew they did them so small, but I see that being something really fun to work towards.

Again, the following is from a blog (not my blog) at Sparkpeople.com.

"I've found a quick fix for motivation/body image issues! Want to know what it is?

Sign up for a race.

Mine is a long story, but I promise, it’ll make perfect sense, so bear with me! I started my weight loss journey after my fiancé, Kyle, proposed on December 27, 2007. I had always been thin and fairly active (hiking, yoga, rafting, skiing), and had never really watched what I ate.
As the years went on and my metabolism slowed, I gradually increased in my dress size, first from a size 4 to a size 6 in college, then from a size 6 to an 8/10 in graduate school. When Kyle proposed, I began to realize that my body wasn't what it used to be, and I wanted to look perfect for my wedding in August 2009. I knew what I had to do: eat right and exercise.

Diet pills really weren’t an option—I wanted to make a lifestyle change and didn’t want a quick fix (a pill) to fix the problem that could lead to more trouble down the road (a screwed-up metabolism). So I joined a gym with my good friend Alie, and signed up for the free session with a personal trainer at the gym. I showed up at the gym in my cute little yoga top and bottoms, fully expecting the trainer to tell me, “You don't need to lose weight! You look GREAT!" I got the shock of my life and started to cry when I stepped on the scale: 184. My driver's license (from high school, mind you), said I weighed 150 pounds. I was shocked and angry at myself that I had slowly piled on 34 pounds over the years. My BMI was at 25, directly on the border of healthy and overweight. How could I have let myself get out of control--I didn't even own a scale!

After a rigorous workout with the trainer, Erin, I hired her for 12 training sessions. You'd think that paying for a personal trainer and losing weight for your wedding would provide some motivation to get on the wagon, right? Wrong. Though Erin was amazing, 12 sessions divided over six weeks wasn't enough to get my body back on track. I was working out pretty hard and hungry ALL THE TIME, and was consistently erasing my hard work at the gym by overeating at home (and yup--you CAN overeat on the healthy stuff, too!). I did lose some weight and body fat, but the best thing I gained from Erin was learning how to run.

For my entire life, I HATED to run, but it wasn't until I hired Erin that I realized why: I was running wrong. I'd hit the ground with the ball of my foot first instead of the heel. Though I didn't LOVE it, I felt like after my training sessions, I could actually run with little pain, and was beginning to enjoy it. During our training sessions, Erin was training for Robie Creek, the toughest half marathon in the West. I'd always wanted to race; I had a friend who was a member of "The Breakfast Club," which was a group of friends that would get together every Sunday morning for breakfast and a marathon training run.

Each year, they picked a different marathon to do. The walls of her living room were covered with posters from those marathons (signed by all the members of the Breakfast Club, of course). I always thought that was so neat, and such an accomplishment, but when I was working out with my trainer, I felt like there was no way I could ever do one. I kept up with my workouts, but it wasn't until I joined Spark People last July that I really started to see results. I knew what to eat and how much for the first time. That alone was worthwhile. I learned about balance and moderation. I entered every bit of food I put into my mouth.

As the weight started to come off (I'm at 157, with a goal weight of 140 for my wedding), I started to think I might be able to do a race someday. Kyle was training for the Ironman 70.3, and I was always inspired by his dedication. This sounds TOTALLY cheesy, but when I was watching a recent season of The Biggest Loser, I was SUPER inspired by Helen. Here was this 48-year-old woman, who, three months before was obese, finishing a MARATHON. I said to myself that if she could do it, I could do it.

During the commercial break, I signed up for my first 5K. My new-year's resolution morphed from a rather ambiguous "lose weight and look perfect" to "run a 5K and a 10K in 2009; do a half marathon and a marathon in 2010." After trying to lose weight for 15 months, you can get pretty burned out from the diet restrictions and exercising all the time. I found that when I was training for that 5K, it was easier to focus. Working out had a purpose and the purpose was to prove to myself that I could do it. Fifteen months ago, I couldn't do 20 minutes on the treadmill without feeling like I was going to die. On May 16, I ran 3.1 miles in 33 minutes, and never felt prouder of anything in my life. I know that 3.1 miles isn't very far, but it was the first step to accomplishing my goals. After I crossed that finish line, I had my own Biggest Loser moment. This time last year, I had told Kyle I couldn't do what I just did. Now, eight weeks out from my wedding, I'm training for my first triathlon (just a mini-one: 1/4-mile swim, 5-mile bike, 2-mile run). It's no Ironman, but it’s a start.

Speaking of Ironman, Kyle finished the 70.3 miler (1.3-mile swim, 56-mile bike ride, and 13-mile run!) in 6:08. After the race, as I was collecting Kyle’s bags and his bicycle, I met a really friendly man in his mid-60s. He had placed first in his age division—the 55 and older group. He told me he just started running three years ago, and just started doing triathlons two years ago. Now here he was, mid-60s, placing first in his age group on a 70.3 mile race! Again I thought to myself, “If he can do it, I can do it!”

Since I’ve been training for my 5K and my mini-triathlon, I’ve eased up on myself a little and am beginning to appreciate my body for all it can do--how fast it can go, how hard it can work--flaws and all. I’m far from perfect, but training for races has given me an appreciation for my body the way it is, now, not in 15 pounds, not in a dress size. And all this training will undoubtedly help me reach my goal weight and look FANTASTIC for my wedding. It’s just amazing—and encouraging—to look at what I can do now and what I’m capable of now versus where I was a year ago. And that’s more than I could say 15 months ago. Training for a race isn’t about coming in first; it’s about dedicating yourself to finishing, and proving to yourself that you can do it.

Admittedly, I wanted to lose weight for my wedding and look “perfect” to impress other people (but don’t we all?). No wonder I’ve lost my motivation! But with racing, I feel like I’m doing it just for ME. I’m doing it to prove to the 184-pound version of me that there was a 140-pound person hiding under there and that that person is capable of anything. I’m doing it to prove to myself that I’ll NEVER be that heavy again. I’m doing it to prove I can put in the time, dedicate myself to finishing, and know I can do it. I’m doing it to prove I can, to prove I’m worth it—to myself. And that’s an empowering feeling, something no one can ever take away from me. And that’s more than I could say 15 months ago."

Hi, I'm that girl who never blogs anymore. Remember me?

2009-08-17T08:43:00.001-07:00

Some people who write weight loss blogs take pictures of everything they eat. If I had done that the past 14 days, it would look something like this- and keep in mind that I really did eat at least one, but often more than one, of everything pictured here:

Someone please tell me... WHAT THE HELL WAS I THINKING??????

I think the past 2 weeks have been the worst 2 weeks (as far as eating healthy and exercising go) that I have had in a really long time. Maybe the worst I've had since I began this journey, last September!? 2 weekends of camping, road trips and birthday parties have done me in.

And that makes me feel terrible. I stepped on the scale yesterday and if it was correct, I have gained about 4.5 lbs within the past 2 weeks. That just makes me feel ill. And not just because of the gain, but also because I have not exercised one bit and I know it's going to be really tough to pick back up on my couch 2 5k program, where I left off. I had just finished week 3 and was ready to move on to week 4, but I think I am going to take this week to redo week 3. I don't want to jump into week 4 (which consists of 5 minutes of running without stopping) knowing I probably can't handle it, because I will just get frustrated and either injure myself, or feel like a failure. So it is official, I am starting week 3 again this week, and I am going to push through and just do it. No excuses at all. I know I can do it and I love how proud I feel when I accomplish just one day of that program.

I really have no good excuse for my lack of good behavior in the past 2 weeks. I was pms'ing and rather than battle my cravings 'till the death, I gave in without so much as a fight. It was very disappointing, and I am now reaping the consequences of that. And it really sucks. But I guess that's part of this whole weight loss thing anyway.

I am less than a month away from hitting my "1 year mark" of this so called journey to healthiness. At this current time, I have lost 26 lbs in that 11 months. I was really hoping to hit 45 or 50 lbs, but now my goal is much lower and I am just hoping to get back to my 30 lb. mark, where I was before these last 2 weeks of destruction. So that is my goal for right now. By September 11, 2009 I hope to have lost 30 lbs, and I hope to weigh 177.8 (or less!) pounds. I can do that.

My sister in law texted me the other day and mentioned that there is supposed to be a 2 mile fun run nearby on August 29th. I mentioned before that she is much smaller than me, and in much better shape. And I'm very happy to say that that doesn't intimidate me. Anyone with eyes can see that she is much thinner and therefore can most likely fun faster/farther/longer than I can, and I'm ok with that. I think it will be good for me to do the fun run with her, and let her know that I will not be able to run the whole thing, but she can go at her own pace and I will meet her at the finish line. She mentioned to me that when we do our 5k this fall (I'm thinking either October 10 or the 24th?) that her goal will be to run the whole thing without having to walk, even if she is running at a super slow pace. I thought that sounded like a pretty good goal, so I am going to work towards that as well. Since I am in the 3rd week of couch to 5k, and it is 9 weeks long, I should be able to run 3.1 miles by that time without too much trouble. Just typing that I'm like (Come on Mallory, are you trying to kid yourself or WHAT?) but deep down I know that if I really try for it, and stick with this program that I WILL be able to do this. I've mentioned before that I am the girl who starts things, not a girl who finishes things, but I am going to finish this if it kills me. This is where I am going to really step up, and prove to myself that I am capable even though my whole life I have thought I wasn't.

What a blog of rambling! But that's all I have to say for now. I'm happy to be back to the real world, back to working towards my goals, and back into my groove. Lunch today is turkey on wheat, and watermelon with a grilled chicken salad for dinner. Ah, it really does feel good to be back.

W3D1

2009-07-31T09:37:00.001-07:00

I did it!!

It's official that I CAN run a whole lap without wishing I were dead. However... on the program it says to run 3 minutes or 400m, which is one lap. So I went with the distance rather than the time, and I think I was jogging about 2 minutes and 40 seconds per lap. So next time I'm going to stick with time, rather than distance.

Anyway, not only did I DO it, but I did some extra laps as well (not consecutively jogging, but jogging nonetheless!)!!

Im excited to finish week 3 and REALLY REALLY challenge myself on week 4. I still cant fathom 5 minutes of jogging... that's almost 2 laps?! But a week ago I couldnt' imagine running ONE lap... so we'll see!

Week 2... DONE

2009-07-28T10:47:00.001-07:00

Heaven help me!

We start week 3 of couch to 5K on Wednesday and... I'm so nervous! Up until now, 90 seconds of jogging is all I had to do at a single time, but in week 3 it becomes 3 whole minutes of jogging intervals. That's one full lap, at the pace I've been going.

I'm so nervous but I know I can do it! It's going to be haaaaard but I'll do it and I'll do it without stopping!!

And I am officially going to do a 5k this fall with my sister in law. I'm excited to have a real goal to work towards! And knowing that she's going to be doing it with me is the extra push I need, so I know I absolutely can't give up, because she's counting on me! (Not to mention she's tiny, so I'll have to really work it to keep up with her!) Next phase is signing up for an actual race. Just thinking about that makes me nervous but I'm doing it!

This week is going awesome so far. As far as exercise AND eating well. We did the c25k last night and tonight I'm planning on a 60 minute bike ride. Anyway, as a girl who has spent most of her life feeling insecure and inferior and bad about herself, when I have proud moments I try to really appreciate them all I can. And today at lunch I had one of those moments. And it's as simple as this- I went to the cafe and ordered my turkey sandwich as usual, and rather than ordering the little bag of chips along with it, I got mixed fruit. Because I 100% didn't even want the chips. I just thought about how the grease and oil and fat of the chips would dissolve into all the cells in my body... and about how if I got fruit all the nutrients and vitamins would dissolve into the cells in my body... and when you think of it that way, it's a really simple choice after all! Anyway that was just a proud little moment for me and I wanted to share :O)

Cherish even the small signs of progress.

My weekend funk

2009-07-27T06:04:00.000-07:00

"A frog, hopping around the farm, minding his own business, fell right into a pail half-filled with cream. Swimming frantically, he found the sides too steep and too high. Determined not to give up, he continued to struggle. He kicked and squirmed, kicked and squirmed until at last his churning had turned the cream into a block of butter – allowing him to hop right out. He never gave up!" ~sparkpeople.com

This is the story of my weekend, although it doesn't have the happy ending that this did. I came across this little story in an article about just having to deal with the times that are hard. This weekend was so hard for me and I don't know why. My husband related it to our 28 day reminder of being a woman, but I feel like it was much more than that. I was just overwhelmed and crabby, and to be honest I don't know if I was even being nice. I was over sensitive to everything, and melodramatic about everything that I wasn't over sensitive to.

I feel fine today, so now I have the power of hindsight. All last week I did a great job of exercising and until Friday my eating was great too. I took a client out for Chinese...and from there I just felt like I lost all control. I had fast food for supper, then saturday morning i had it again, then we ordered pizza saturday night. To top it off, Sunday we went to the fair, and I ate like hell AGAIN.

What the hell was I thinking? This is where my frustration is....I know how to do everything right but I don't know how to stop myself once i start. And then I begin the mental battle of "shoulda coulda woulda" begins. The moral of my story of the weekend is that I have so much to work on and Jillian is right too when she talks about how you have to face your demons to be successful. I am going to the doctor this week for me pre-employment physical and I have a laundry list of questions for him too.

Now I am moving on, I will look back to fix it but I'm not going to dwell on it.

Week 2 Day 1

2009-07-23T11:13:00.000-07:00

Last night the husband and I headed to the track for w2d1 of couch to 5k. I'll be honest... it was more difficult than I was expecting! Hence the clipart :O) I did feel like my heart was going to burst out of my chest at the end of every single 90 second interval, but I didn't have to stop jogging during any of the 90 seconds! Of course I wanted to, but I kept thinking 'I've just got to push through this one, because if I can finish this whole session without stopping, then I'll be able to do the next 2 days of week 2 without stopping too, because I'll know I CAN do it!' So with that thought, I kept pushing and it was a success. I am also very happy to be able to say that my calf/shin is feeling great today! No soreness whatsoever! Since it was so incredibly sore after my last jog, the husband and I went to WalMart and got us both (he had extreme foot/leg pain after his last attempt at jogging as well) Dr. Scholls shoe insterts. And I bought an ace bandage to wrap around my calf while jogging AND we were on the track rather than the road. So between these 3 variables, the jog was a great success with zero pain ailing me today. John said he felt great as well, so that was a great improvement for us. I like that he is jogging with me. We both have tomorrow off and are planning a morning jog for day 2. Woohoo! Soon enough I'll be at week 3!

I'm doing really well on my goals for this week, except for today I'm going to miss working out. Which is ok, because I plan to make up for it either Saturday or Sunday. I'm glad I wrote those goals down. I really wasn't in the mood for doing my elliptical on Tuesday, but I made it happen because I wanted to be able to have a good report of my goals at the end of the week.

She's graduating

2009-07-21T11:20:00.001-07:00

From week 1 of Couch 2 5K, that is!

I'm very happy to be able to report that I have officially completed week 1 of C25K. I ended up doing it last night instead of elliptical'ing. It was my third and final go at week 1, and it was the best one yet. I'm sure it has a little something to do with the fact that it was the evening and perfect weather (not blistering hot like the other 2 days I've done it) but I felt SOOO good jogging last night! At the end of each 60 second interval I kept thinking 'Wow, I could totally just keep going!' And I DID a couple times. I jogged a couple of the intervals as 90 seconds rather than 60, just because I felt like it. And then on the very last one, I went ahead and jogged for 2 minutes rather than 1. I know they say not to jump ahead in the program (which I'm not really...) but I just wanted to push myself and felt really good about it. And another crazy thing is i'm actually craving to go jogging today! I wont because my calf is sore AND I know at this early on in the program I really do need to be giving myself a day in between jogging. So needless to say, I'm really excited about starting week 2 and seeing how much more I can progress in just a short week. I'll be jogging a full mile without stopping in no time! That will be a HUGE freaking milestone for me. I haven't done that since 10th grade which was about 7 years ago! One small problem I am having is a sore calf/shin after jogging. I'm not sure if it's a shin splint or what, but it's hurting after I jog. I try to focus on my form and everything, but it's giving me troubles every time. I guess all I can really do is be careful, ice it after jogging, and keep going to strengthen whatever the problem is! I really am so excited about this program. I feel like in a way it is giving me a break on watching my weight so closely. I typically weigh myself every day and focus on that a lot more than I probably should, but I feel like this is giving me something else to work towards and focus on, rather than just losing weight. I can't believe i'm saying this but I am honest to goodness thinking about signing up for a 5K this fall. I never thought those words would pass my lips, but I have a feeling that I can push myself a lot harder/farther than I ever realized. Maybe I will become one of those crazy people who loves running afterall!

My 1000 Calorie Day

2009-07-21T08:47:00.000-07:00

I just had to celebrate that i burned 1008 calories working out yesterday. I went on a 30 minute bike ride and burned 354 calories. I think i increased the burn during my bike ride because i listened to Serena William's Spontaneous Speed that I got off of iTunes. This is an interval workout that instructs you when to pick up your pace etc.

Then I went to cardio kickboxing at 5:30 and it was intense. I burned 654 cals in 45 mins which is just amazing to me. We did so much ab work, and I learned that jumping rope with a real rope is the number one way to reduce to cellulite.

anyway just a great day for me and wanted to share it.

My Goals for This Week

2009-07-20T08:43:00.001-07:00

This morning Stephanie asked me what my goals for the week are. I HAD been thinking about what I should do this week as far as exercise goes, but I didn't have any definite goals so she got me thinking. My goals for this week:

Couch to 5k Tuesday, Thursday (morning!!), and Saturday. Thursday will be my 1st day of week 2, and my first day of doing it in the am!!
Monday and Wednesday, 60 minutes of working out either with a video, elliptical, bike, or tennis.
Be MINDFUL of what I'm putting in my mouth.
Eat more veggies (I've been slacking with this one lately)

Let me take a minute to write about the C25K thing. I'm still really excited about it and anxious to see what kind of progress I make! I did day 2 on Saturday and at the end of each 60 second jog I felt like 'Hey... I could totally keep jogging for a little longer!' Which was an exciting feeling to have, but I didn't do it because I want to stick with the plan and not over do it. I decided that the easiest way to stick with this is to tell people that I'm doing it. That will help keep me accountable for sure. I've told John of course, and Stephanie (duh), but I've also told my sister and my mom, and my sister in law. I also joined the Spark Group (it was after reading some posts in the Spark Group that I decided it was something I should do), and I will be posting regularly there for a little feedback and accountability. I'm looking forward to this week, sort of as a way to un-do all the bad that I did to my body over the weekend. I need to learn that it's OK to flat out say NO to cravings. It's just soooo not worth it! Ever! I feel like when I'm craving something, I will push it off to the side of my mind for a while. And I will push and push and push, until I can't hold it off any longer, and then I cave in. I need to stop doing that and realize that I DO have the strength to just flat out say NO.

I am going to my hometown on August 7th for my friends baby shower. Right now I'm using this as a little motivation stepping stone. I want to feel and look great when I see my old friends!

Who is co-signing your B.S.?

2009-07-19T15:52:00.000-07:00

Another jillian quote off of her radio show...but seriously this is something that I feel I need to blog about. I am guilty of continuously looking to all the wrong places for support in living a healthy life lifestyle and making good choices. Unfortunately I make the wrong call alot. Sometimes I find that I am getting ready to make a huge mistake in eating or my will power is getting ready to take a day off....I need to take a moment and realize who I am asking for encouragement. Usually I call someone that will say "yeah do it just work out for an extra 12031937 hours next week" or "just this once it will be fine you can have a mountain of ice cream" I know who I need to contact in these situations...I know that I need to text mal real quick instead of taking an advice from those around me.

A prime example of this was 4th f july i was so bummed out because I made some horrible choices and i text mal about it pretty late at night...and I mean I was on the verge of falling off the wagon and just really decorating for a stephanie pitty party and her simple response stopped me. She said "well tomorrow is a new day lets just do better" or something really simple like that.

So I am back on track starting right now, it is just like me to be melodramatic about messing up for a few days. I have to get over it and move on.

"Failure isn't judged by what you did to fail, it is decided by how you respond to it"

~Jillian Michaels

Stephanie's Day 1 Week 1 of Couch to 5K

2009-07-19T10:49:00.000-07:00

So I decided I need a way to hold myself accountable to this new challenge and what better way to hold myself accountable than to blog about it. It isn't going to a huge monologue about it, but enough to make myself look like an ass if I don't...Yes I know...interesting way to think about it but I truly am motivated by some of the oddest things.

My first day today actually was surprising ok. I wore a sweatshirt so I would sweat my bootie off and it worked well. Then I got through all the circuits, I know that this is probably the easy week, but it is still a heck of a good work out. Mainly it sets me up for success when I got home and I can recover without feeling as if death is right around the corner. I burned 350 cals in 30 min which is pretty sweet. Well we will see how it goes!!

New Granola Recipe

2009-07-18T16:27:00.000-07:00

INGREDIENTS:

DIRECTIONS:

1. Mix all dry ingredients
2. Heat butter, peanut butter, and honey until butter is melted and peanut butter is smooth.
3. Combine rest of ingredients and fold with a wooden spoon until golden brown (2-3 min)
4. Spread evenly on baking sheet and bake at 250 for 15 min, then stir and bake another 15 min.

Number of Servings: 15

Nutritional Info

Servings Per Recipe: 15
Amount Per Serving
Calories: 206.9

Total Fat: 11.1 g
Cholesterol: 8.1 mg
Sodium: 26.7 mg
Total Carbs: 32.2 g
Dietary Fiber: 5.7 g
Protein: 4.3 g

And today... she's struggling.

2009-07-16T11:17:00.000-07:00

Well I hate days like this.

First off, I really should have been blogging lately, but I just haven't. I HATE how I go through spells of just really really REALLY not feeling in the mood to blog. For instance last month I had great progress pictures, but wasn't in the mood to blog about them. Then went to Virginia which was interesting... but I wasn't in the mood to blog about it. I finally dropped down to 178.4 this week! Hit the 170's!! But alas... not in the mood to blog about it. Heck I even rode my bike 16 miles- from my house to my in-laws house, and burned over 900 calories, WHILE on my period! But naturally... not in the mood for blogging. I hate that. And to be completely honest?? I'm sooo not even in the mood to be doing it now! But I guess you gotta start back up sometime.

As Steph mentioned, we are starting the couch to 5K program. I did day 1 on Wednesday, and was feeling really great. (And should be doing day 2 tonight...hmm. Anyone have some energy they could lend me????) The program starts off really simple, but just to know that I could complete day 1 without much of a struggle at all had me feeling really great about myself. In fact I am now feeling as though I'd like to run a 5K this fall.

But for some reason, the last 2 days (yesterday and today) I have really been struggling.
I've been ravenous. And therefore I have been eating. And eating. And eating. And I've been feeling lethargic for the past 2 days as well. Not sure why this is. I'm drinking a ton of water and I'm not even pms'ing, so I don't understand why I'm so hungry. And I know a big part of the problem is that when I feel this sort of hunger, I go for whatever I can find that's NOT healthy. Screw the apple, I say, as I grab a cookie. It's frustrating when I do that, yet I have continued to do it all day (and it's only noon!? wtf!) When I get this way I fight off the urge for what seems like as long as I can, until I ultimately give in to whatever I am craving. I wish I could find the strength to really fight off cravings when they come like this, rather than just suppress them until I can no longer stand it.

I guess I will say that I'm really proud of myself/excited to be officially into the 170's! It always super exciting to 'down a decade' on the scale. But the second I do, I starting thinking "OK now I'm just dying to get into the 160's!" I think sometimes I need to take a minute and be proud of what I have just accomplished rather than thinking that it's still not good enough.

Last night John and I were going to go for a bike ride (I literally had to force myself to get my biking gear on, I just wanted to stay home and lay on the couch. And this was AFTER an hour long nap!) and when we got to our bikes we made the terrible discovery that we both had flats!! I was soooo irritated because I had finally gotten awake enough, and in the mood for a good ride, knowing that exercise would make me feel more awake and elevate my mood... and it was ruined. Anyway, we decided to go for a walk instead and walked briskly for about 70 minutes. Burned 500 calories, and I was glad we did something rather than just be discouraged by our flat tires. On our walk we talked about how we want to always be active together, and with our children. That we want to be in shape and healthy to be good examples for our future family, as well as to be able to do fun adventurous and active things with them. These conversations always make me happy. I really look forward to raising a healthy family. Having John (who has officially lost 13 lbs, bytheway!) at my side while I am trying to create an active lifestyle has been a great blessing for me.

Ok I'm not sure where I'm going with all this, but I just felt like I needed to blog. That's all for now.

Mal & I's next big adventure

2009-07-16T07:29:00.000-07:00

Well by the title it sounds like we are starting our own new cartoon series. However, Mal and I have decided to start training for a 5K, she found a podcast on itunes by a guy named Robert Ullrey. I am way excited but also very nervous because to be honest...i never have aspired to be a runner, i just know that i burn a ton of calories when I do it. We are always willing to try new things so there will be more to come!!

Angel Food Cake Dessert

2009-07-13T08:26:00.000-07:00

2 pkgs 1/3 reduced fat cream cheese

1 Cup Sugar

1 contianer cool whip

1 angel food cake loaf

1 quart fresh strawberries

1 container strawberry glaze (in produce section)

Directions:

1. cut up cake and pat down into 9x13 pan

2. mix cream cheese and sugar, then fold in cool whip...add on top of cake

3. cut up strawberries, combine with glaze, and put on top

4. refrigerate for at least 2 hours before serving

Nutritional Info

Servings Per Recipe: 12
Amount Per Serving
Calories: 274.3

Total Fat: 10.5 g
Cholesterol: 28.0 mg
Sodium: 188.7 mg
Total Carbs: 42.7 g
Dietary Fiber: 1.5 g
Protein: 4.1 g

There is something to be said for having great friends

2009-06-25T18:27:00.001-07:00

I am the type of person that doesn't have a million friends...I prefer to have a few that are tried and true. This post is dedicated to Mal, co-founder of our blog, because she just rocks more than she gives herself credit for. If anyone besides us looks at this blog....LOOK AT HER PROGRESS PICTURES SHE JUST ADDED!! She hasn't written a post about how amazing her progress is yet, and I gave her plenty of time to do it, but she is also one of the most humble people I have ever met. So I made an executive decision...and she can write the follow up :) Let's be real here...after you view the pics...she looks amazing and has worked so damn hard.

The inspiration for this blog entry just happened when I walked in the door tonight. However, I better start with my day yesterday. Yesterday morning during my presentation for class that I was absolutely nervous for we got news that a beloved coach from a school that is 25 miles from my home was shot to death in the weight room of his school. Being a teacher myself it just tore me up, especially because there were 50 elementary kids in there when it happened, it was just a moment that can ruin a kids childhood. Plus, this man was an icon and just a man among men. He was an example of everything that is good in this world, he developed boys into the men that they would become. I know he was just one man, but in the realm of small town Iowa football, he didn't just set the "bar"....he was the "bar". and the teacher in me felt fear, knowing that that can happen in any school, under a million different circumstances, and we will never know the reason why, most of the time.

Then I got a call that one of the kids I work with got in BIG trouble and was escorted home by a sheriff, and I was at a complete loss as to what to even say to him. The trouble he got himself into may be out of my hands to help him fix. His future is held in the balance of grace and justice. Then twenty minutes later I received a call that his dad got into trouble and was in jail. It makes me so angry because every once in a while, despite all earthly reason, there is a good kid out there that doesn't deserve the hand that he has been dealt, this is that kid.

So today I get home from going to see him with no answers to any of his questions and feeling really bad and there sits a package on the table from Mal. Curiosity got the best of me and I opened it, to read the card that made me cry. (I don't even think that she knew that the colors on that card were my wedding colors) Then I got to see my goodies in there, they are so fun. She constantly reminds me that I need to take care of me...which is usually the last priority on the list. So I poured a hot bath, washed my hair with my new sexy soap, and put on my new lotion. Thanks Mal...for all the things you do that you think go unnoticed like texting me before i'm about to make a horrible eating choice, for motivating me when I struggle to motivate myself, being my most honest critic, a cheerleader when i need it, for not getting pissed when i accidently text you after boxing (forgetting that its the ass crack of dawn where you are) and for being the best person to be on this journey with that I could ever ask for.

Bring it on Baby!

2009-06-22T09:24:00.000-07:00

Well here it is Monday, and I'm not blogging with the intention of "OMG I'm so glad last week is over, glad a new week is beginning, the weekend was a disaster... blah blah blah". Honest! This past weekend was pretty darn good, aside from being sick in the night on Friday night. Boo. But despite that, I did 90 minutes on the elliptical Saturday!! It was amazing and obviously the longest I've ever gone. I had rented "He's just not that into you" (John was out of town for the morning) and put it on, and just kept going and going and going. And once 60 minutes went by I just KNEW I had it in me to keep going, so I did! And after 80 minutes I thought I was going to die, but I really pushed myself and got a full hour and a half. It felt great and it's exciting to know that I can really push myself like that.

On another accomplishing note... drumroll please...yesterday I was 179.8! I did it! I have broken the barrier into the 170s and I am sooo excited. I'll be honest and say I was back up to 182.0 this morning, but I'm blaming that on the big Father's Day Rib Dinner we had last night, and I'm still way excited to sort of be in the 170's! Yesterday after Church I dared to try on a pair of capri pants that I haven't worn yet this year (hello muffin top!) and they fit like a glove! I was so excited and I just felt fit and fabulous all weekend long! I just got done posting Steph's new progress pictures and now I'm determined to find my camera tonight and get some new pics up. I feel like now that I'm a little smaller, I'll actually be able to start to see my progress more. I once heard (or read) a "paper towel theory" that explained it so well. I just googled it and this is what was written.

The lesson to be learned is that fat, like paper towels, comes off in sheets. When you are heavy, you are big around. And when you are big around, that fat is spread over a MUCH larger area – just like that outside towel sheet. The closer you get to the lean you, the more each lost pound of fat shows, because it is spread over a smaller area. While the outside sheet of a paper towel roll may only cover 1 layer of the roll, the inside sheet may go around 4 times. That last sheet looks like it gives you 4 times the results of the first sheet, but in reality, the results are the same – your perception is just different! And you’ll never see the inside, if you aren't patient while the outside is coming off!

I love that! I know it's such a simple theory, but I think about it a lot! It makes perfect sense, and makes me want to try even harder to get to the point where I'll be able to notice the loss of just a couple lbs.

Oh another exciting thing is that I bought a new workout outfit from Victoria's Secret this weekend. They are clearancing out some of their workout stuff and I got the most comfortable workout Capri's and a matching sports bra. They fit soooo well and are so cute and comfortable that I'm already excited to go home and workout tonight! (AND only 8 days untill I'm off to Virginia!! I'm so excited!)

A Week of Pride

2009-06-22T08:29:00.001-07:00

On track doesn't even begin to describe how awesome that last week has been for me. I worked out a total of 3,650 cals last week which blows away any current record that had been standing. Also, I stayed in my calorie range every singe day...EVEN the weekend which was a sheer act of god but I did it.

I'm on cloud nine right now, thinking about this next week to come and that this working out schedule I am on right now will be able to be maintained when I start my teaching job. Yahoo!! Here's to another successful week.

Following the leader

2009-06-16T14:06:00.000-07:00

Well I figured I should stop by quickly for an update as well. It's only Tuesday, but this week is going well. I'ts been going really well since Friday, actually. I have become OBSESSED with bike riding. It's soooo much fun and such a great work out, and so great because I can do it with John and he really enjoys it too. Anyway, i've been on a bike ride for at least 50 minutes every day since Friday, so needless to say i've been getting a lot of exercise. My eating has not been great, but i'm working on that. I weighed in this morning at 183.0. Im still hoping to reach 175 (i'll settle for anything in the 170's!) by the time I go to Virginia. Im just thankful that my pms is over, and I can move on with my life!

Sitting in Class Blogging

2009-06-16T07:57:00.001-07:00

This week has been great I have gotten back into all my healthy habits. Yesterday was a super charging day because I woke up with a headache and didn't go to my normal morning kickboxing at 5:30 am, but I got my butt home from work and went to the 5:30 pm class. It was excellent class too because I burned 740 cals in 1 hour. Wow I am sore today too, but what a great work out.

I have just taken a few minutes to share that I am continuing doing well. With that said I am stepping on the scale today to see if I have made any progress.

A Day On The Go...In Range

2009-06-08T19:36:00.000-07:00

Well wow, I don't know where my motivation came back from, but it must have been dormant for a while. However, this weekend I just had a moment of clarity. Who am I doing this for? What am I waiting for? I was constantly waiting for someone to answer these questions for me and to tell me to collect $250 after I pass GO. This journey is a battle for me AND against me. The old me with habits clashing with the new me that desperately wants to come out. The best way to illustrate this is that my anniversary is this weekend...and a year ago today I married the greatest guy I know...weighing in 30 POUNDS LIGHTER.

My day today consisted of getting up at 4:50 am and kickboxing, going to class, heading to a meeting, taking a boy on a visit with his dad, taking him back home, and then going to my godson's baseball game. I ate breakfast in class of a cup of cereal, then i ran to subway and had one of those new tuscan chicken subs which was yummy, then i had a kashi bar while he was visiting with his dad, and then i made the yummy mexicana soup in the crock pot waiting for me when i got home. It was an excellent day for my eating and exercise. Here goes another week:)

Confession

2009-06-08T11:29:00.000-07:00

I'm just going to throw it all out there. The past 4 days have been BAD. I haven't exercised since last Thursday, and my weekend eating was completely out of control. I am hormonal, and rather than trying to control myself and do the best I can, I didn't even try to reign myself in. And wow, I am really feeling the effects of that. Today I'm feeling fat, bloated, stomach ache, and just all around yucky. I guess that's what I deserve after treating my body the way I did all weekend.

Now with that all out there and off my chest, I'm over it. This is just what happens. I fall off the wagon (sometimes harder than others) and I get back on...

I just got back from my lovely 44 minute lunch time walk and I feel really good. I needed that, that's for sure. This weekend John bought me a biking top, and I bought some padded butt spandex biking shorts! I'm excited! (they don't look that bad, I promise!) And we are going to go for a nice long ride tonight after work. I love working out together. It makes the time go by much faster. Last week we rode our bikes to the tennis courts and played 50 minutes, then rode back home and that was so much fun! It helps me a lot to have John on the same page. His eating and exercise habits have greatly improved in the recent months.

So I'm really REALLY ready to get my weight loss moving once again. For some reason this particular thing happens to me every time. It's so hard for me to get into another 'decade' of numbers. For instance I hovered around 201-200 for a long time. Then I hovered at 191-192 for the longest time as well. Now I'm at 182 and can't seem to get my act together long enough to say goodbye to the 180's. I'm not sure what it is really. Probably a mental thing I imagine. But WOW I am so ready for the 170's! I know I keep saying that, but I really am :O)

I am officially, once again making a goal of tracking my food daily, and doing my lunch time walk every day this week. I can do it. I will report on Friday!

Tuesday

2009-06-02T11:40:00.000-07:00

I'm so happy that we're getting a more positive energy going on this blog now! I'm excited for Steph and I both to have a successful week.

Yesterday was a GREAT day. I wasn't able to do my lunch time walk because I had to go register my car, but I got my bike back from the shop last night so John and I went for a 49 minute ride and I burned 402 calories! And to make that even better, before we went and I was sitting at home waiting for John, I hoped on the elliptical and did 20 minutes, burning 200 calories. So yesterdays total was 600. Not as great as I would love to have, but it was still great of course!

I'm so excited to finally have a bike. John is crazy about bike riding, so hopefully we will be doing a lot of that together this summer. This morning I even rode it to work! 9 minutes and 81 calories. But every minute and every little calorie adds up :O) I also just got back from my lunch time walk, my typical 44 minutes and 319 calories. I tracked my food yesterday (and stayed in my range perfectly!) and am tracking today as well. My weekly goal for this week is to track every day (even dinner, which is where I always bum out) and go for my walk every day. Those are 2 simple things, and I should be able to do them for sure! I'm also planning to go for a bike ride for my workout tonight. There are lots of hills around our house, and last time John rode up towards the mountains he said it was so hard he almost passed out! So it will be interesting!

Kickboxing just owned me

2009-06-02T08:20:00.000-07:00

Well the most important thing to take from this blog entry is that i got off my butt and went to kickboxing, i suppose i don't need to over share how much wind i was sucking, my beet red face, and the fact that typing this blog entry right now feels like a lot of work. I'm so glad that i went and that things in this journey are happening for me right now...plus a burn of 594 cals in 47 minutes is pretty sweet.

I can't dwell on this last month of fatal flaws, i am looking forward and ahead. My basement is almost done which is a huge sigh of relief, my best friend in the world has just moved in for at least the summer and so she is in on this adventure now too. I am proud to say that I stayed in my calorie range yesterday, and am tracking my food again too.

Is there such a thing as weight loss bipolar?

2009-06-01T10:56:00.000-07:00

Because if there is, *I* have it. Seriously! I feel so back and forth. It's like one week I am doing amazing, then I slip up a little over the weekend, and it usually turns into a COMPLETE and utter disaster slip up, which over flows into a couple days, then often extends into a week... and before you know it I've gained 1 or 2 lbs and feel terrible because I haven't worked out in a week. *sigh* Story of my life. Will it ever change??? I know I have the complete ability to change my bad habits, it's just really hard! I'm one of those people who never ever ever EVER finishes what I start. It's a terrible habit I have, and it's embarrassing for me, but it's completely true. I start books that I don't finish, I start projects that I don't finish... I started college and didn't finish. It's not something I'm proud of but it's a definite character flaw that I need to overcome. I guess looking at a positive side, I am amazed at myself that I've lost 25 lbs and didn't quit. I still have 25+ to lose, but there is a little part of me that is worried that I'm going to give up. It's like this constant inner battle. And it makes me sad that I mostly only blog when I am doing really well. This is supposed to be a blog of our journey. Not just of our successes, which have been few and far between! Perhaps I'll make a goal of blogging at least 2 times a week. I need to 'check in' with myself, in a sense.

Anyway, that was just kind of a rant, but I guess that's normal for me! Today is going great so far, and I'm back on spark people tracking my calories and i'm going to become more active on the message boards. I've got 30 days until I head to Virginia for vacation, and I HAVE GOT to look/feel great!! Here's to a great week of eating healthy, and gettin our skinny on!!

Isn't this how it goes...

2009-05-21T06:51:00.000-07:00

I am finally feeling back on track and then its almost like clockwork that i feel something is in my way. I'm all fired up because I feel my body getting back into order after an incident with generic birth control and then i wake up this morning with a HORRIBLE sore throat. This isn't an excuse to go and eat a buffet or anything, I just often don't exercise when i'm not feeling well because i feel like it wears me out even more.

I just have to keep telling myself....I'm not getting sick i'm not getting sick i'm not getting sick. And if i click my heels together three times maybe i'll just get my wish.

Hello world!

2009-05-20T07:53:00.000-07:00

Well there's no denying that I've been a horrible blogger lately. The fact is, my blogging desire is completely burned out. I mean really. I even took down my personal blog because I'm just so sick of blogging!! But I guess as far as blogging my weight loss goes, it's just something that I really NEED to do. I just looked back to see the last time I blogged. April 2! Wow that was a month and a half ago!! But reading that post really made me feel motivated. This is the purpose of our blogging. I need to remember to blog not only when I'm doing really well, but when I am struggling too.

I know it's only Wednesday morning, but this week is going great. I've decided to start tracking my calories once again (at sparkpeople.com), and my exercising has been going great too. Monday was such a nice day that after work I went out for a jog/walk! Of course it was mostly a walk, but I was out for 55 minutes and burned 560 calories! And got some nice sun while I was at it. It was great! And last night I did a steady 61 minutes on the elliptical and burned 600 calories. If you factor in my lunch time walks, I'm getting around 900 calories burned in one day. Woohoo!! I feel great and I'm going to keep this up, because I can! When I was dropping big numbers before, I was counting my cals (staying within 1200-1550) and exercising for an hour every day. So I know that's what it takes, and I know I can do it.

I'm heading to Virginia the first week of July to see my best friend. I haven't seen her for 2 years and I'm SO incredibly determined to drop a few more lbs before then. I'm so excited to see her, and I want nothing more than to feel great about myself while we are running around the beach and the malls and everything. My personal goal is to lose 8 lbs by then. I have 5 weeks and I just KNOW I can do it!! I just know I can!

My weigh in right now is 184.2. My previous low was 183.8 (on April 2) and I'm so excited to get there again, and then get well below it as well! Last weekend we went to Idaho to see my family and John and I went shopping. I got 3 pairs of pants! 1 pair of gauchos, 1 capris, and 1 Bermuda shorts. It felt so good to slip into the dressing room, and actually have a pair of pants fit. That rarely happens for me, and so to walk out of that store with 3 pairs of pants that I LOVE felt really amazing. I've lost 23 lbs up to this point, and I'm really proud of myself.

Anyway, I guess that's all for now. I'm feeling really good about things this week, and eating on track and exercising have come easily. I AM going to keep up the momentum!!!

Going Strong In My 3rd Week

2009-05-11T08:05:00.000-07:00

Kickboxing is such a blast and I feel like I am getting more toned and stronger every day. I have made it my personal goal to go to a class every day. That would be about 3000 calories burned through that alone. Well here we go. I need an eating goal for the week too...maybe it should be to not give into a craving. Hmmm interesting. Well more later.

A Stretch of Silence

2009-05-11T08:00:00.000-07:00

I wish I was more illusive and hard to figure out, but I am an open book. I don't do alot of complicated things but when I struggle with things I don't like to advertise it either. So when you see that I haven't blogged for days on end....and if you know me at all....then I must admit that I am struggling to meet my goals. I am motivated today and sometimes I wake up and it is gone tomorrow. I hate this feeling of uncertainty, but they just keep happening.

Confessions of a Produce Waster

2009-04-28T09:18:00.000-07:00

I am so excited about the euphoria surrounding my new smoothie maker, however I am also fearful because I have a bad habit of buying all kinds of fruit and trying to "make it last" and then in my efforts to get the most snacks and days out of my newly purchased food...it rots in the drawer of the fridge.

I have a simple solution for my love...aka my new smoothie maker....

FROZEN FRUIT

ok now i'm getting smoothie obsessed

2009-04-28T08:40:00.000-07:00

Apricot Pineapple Smoothie Recipe

1/4 cup crushed pineapple
1 fresh apricot, diced
6 strawberries
1/2 banana
1 1/2 cup water
1 tbsp. skim milk powder
1 heaping tbsp. high- quality protein powder (optional)
1 tsp. flax seed oil (optional)
-------------------------

Banana-Strawberry Fruit Smoothie Recipe

1 banana, frozen
6 strawberries, frozen
1 1/4 cup water
1 tbsp. skim milk powder
1 heaping tbsp. high- quality protein powder (optional)
1 tsp. flax oil (optional)
--------------------------------

Tropical Fruit Shake

1/2 mango
2 tbsp. frozen pina coloda mix (or 1/8 tsp. natural coconut extract)
1/2 banana, frozen
4 strawberries, frozen
6 ice cubes
1 1/4 cup water
1 heaping tbsp. high- quality protein powder (optional)
1 tsp. flax oil (optional)
--------------------------------
In a blender, process all the ingredients until thoroughly mixed and serve.

Banana-Berry Fruit Smoothie

1/2 pear, cored
1/4 cup frozen blueberries or frozen mixed berries
1/2 banana, frozen
1 1/4 cup water
1/8 tsp. cinnamon
1 tbsp. skim milk powder
1 heaping tbsp. high-quality protein powder (optional)
1 tsp. flax oil (optional)
--------------------------------

Banana-Orange-Strawberry Fruit Shake

1/2 cup orange juice
1/2 banana, frozen
6 strawberries, frozen
1/2 cup water
1 tbsp. skim milk powder
1 heaping tbsp. high- quality protein powder (optional)
1 tsp. flax oil (optional)
--------------------------------

Smoothies Smoothies Smoothies

2009-04-28T06:54:00.000-07:00

I got alot of these recipes out of book called The Abs Diet I think many of them sound good, just remember that most are MEAL REPLACEMENTS...not snacks which is what I am finding hard to remember sometimes. And each of these recipes makes 2 servings.

Ultimate Power Smoothie
1 Cup 1% Milk
2Tbsp love fat vanilla yogurt
3/4 C. instant oatmeal nuked in warm water
2tsp peanut butter
2tsp chocolate whey protein powder
6 ice cubes

220cals/12g protein/29 carbs/4gfat/1.5sat fat/118mg sodium/3g fiber

Strawberry Fields
1/2 Cup low fat vanilla yogurt
1 Cup 1% Milk
2tsp peanut butter
1 Cup frozen strawberries
2tsp whey protein powder
6 ice cubes

186cals/11g protein/26g carbs/5g fat/2g sat fat/151mg sodium/3g fiber

Cereal Smoothie
1/2 Cup All Bran Extra Fiber Cereal
1 Cup 1% Milk
1/2 Cup Frozen Blueberries
1 Tbsp Honey
2tsp whey protein powder
6 ice cubes

145cals/8g protein/32 carbs/2g fat/2g sat fat/155 mg sodium/9g fiber

Banana Split
1 banana
1/2 C low fat vanilla yogurt
1/8 C Frozen OJ Concentrate
1/2 C 1% Milk
2tsp whey protein
6 ice cubes

171cals/8g protein/33g carbs/2g fat/94 mg sodium/2g fiber

Halle Berries
3/4 C instant oatmeal nuked in microwave
3/4 C 1% Milk
3/4 C. Mixed frozen blueberries/strawberries/raspberries
2tsp whey protein
3 ice cubes

144 cals/7g protein/27 carbs/1g fat/109 mg sodium/4g fiber

Summer Smoothie
2/3 C Frozen Strawberries
1 banana
1/2 Cup honeydew melon
4 oz low fat vanilla yogurt
3/4 C 1% milk
2tsp whey protein
3 ice cubes

199 cals/9g protein/39g carbs/2g fat/117mg sodium/4g fiber

Belly Busting Berry
1 scoop low fat vanilla ice cream
1/4 of each: blueberries, strawberries, raspberries
1/2 C 1% milk
1Tbsp vanilla whey protein powder
3 ice cubes

251 cals/15g protein/38g carbs/4g fat/116mg sodium/4g fiber

Some of my new favorite things

2009-04-22T09:56:00.000-07:00

Well I think it is time for me to blog about some of the things that I really appreciate in my ongoing struggle with losing weight.

Fitness Magazine- Article about always having a plan B for working out. It is genius, and a really necessary way for the to think about fitness and my life. I might not do it when I schedule it...but I WILL DO IT!!
fitday.com-this is a really great tool to compare my food, activity, and gauge my calorie intake. I like it because I do all the things that I need to do, then sign out and go on with my day. plus its free!!!
Serena Williams Spontaneous Speed Workout Mix-This is a great play list that I like to listen to when I am walking, running, or on my elliptical. It is nice that you can listen to it doing any of this stuff. And I have never had an playlist that I bought on itunes and liked every single song on it.
www.mapmyrun.com This is neat and easier than going out and measuring your routes with your car, and I don't know how it does what it does but it is fun and again FREE.

Many of these ideas were brough to me by the CrankyFitness blog (www.crankyfitness.com), but some I tripped on to and figured out for myself. Well enjoy... I know I am.

Kickboxing rocks

2009-04-22T09:49:00.000-07:00

So my new mantra is kickboxing. I started on Monday morning and it is soooo awesome!! I burned 650 cals the first day and 680 this morning. It isn't for the faint of heart and I sweat more than I ever have doing anything in my whole life. My only problem is that I have to use someone elses gloves right now till mine get in....and they stink, like the kind of stink that could make you vomit with enough exposure.

I am feeling revitalized by my choice to start an organized class. It took all the guess work out of working out out of my hands. Honestly, that is just exactly what needed to happen. I had the best intentions in the world about making myself workout at home etc....but the bottem line is that I wasn't and if I was I dogged it through most of it.

I met a friend at this class and she said something and provided me with something that a workout video can't do....she said "Hey Steph...See you Friday?" and I said "For Sure". So if nothing else does, that will get me out of bed Friday morning. I am back on the winning side and I can't wait till Friday and to see what body is going to do with this new workout to tackle.

Stephanie + Stress = Problems With Healthy Habits

2009-04-09T10:48:00.001-07:00

With all the transition in my life right now I feel like I am falling into some of my same old nasty habits. Working out has become a chore instead of a reward, and eating healthy is the only thing that I think is keeping me from gaining weight. I am very frustrated with myself but I am getting things turned around. In the last week and a half I have accepted a job position for next school year that I am completely unqualified for right now, enrolled in graduate school, signed up for summer school, filled out 2 FAFSA forms, and been shopping for a laptop computer. Oh yeah and looking at buying a different car for John and I to have for work and school.

Me and stress haven't ever gotten along very well so I am just going to get through this dry spell and have all my issues worked out before I start school next month, and need to have my workout schedule in action.

More to follow later.

I'm no April Fool

2009-04-02T09:20:00.000-07:00

Well I weighed myself this morning, at 183.8. It just blows my mind but I know its a REAL loss and that I deserve it because I have been working so hard for it. I've been eating amazingly well the last couple weeks, and my 'normal' routine on the elliptical is now 60 minutes. Last night I actually did 71 minutes!! To be honest, getting through a full hour is murder, but I know in my heart that I'm able to do it, and that keeps me going until the end.

I am just feeling SO good. This morning I counted my workout minutes for March. I had blogged back at the beginning of the month that I wanted to make it to 1,200 fitness minutes. Well guess what?! I exceeded that by MORE than 400 minutes! It's true! I worked out for a total of 1,643 minutes last month!! That's TWENTY SEVEN hours!!! Thinking about that blows my mind. I truly don't feel like I was a slave to my workout or anything, I just made it happen, and it's paying off. Pretty darn happy about that.

Tonight we are going to a fabulous Mexican place with John's family, and I won't have time to workout. My plan is to take my lunch time walk as usual, eat a banana before dinner so I don't have the urge to binge on chips and salsa, and whatever I order I will ask for them to bring me half of it in a to-go box. Then I will send that half with John for his lunch tomorrow. Sounds like a plan to me!!

Today I'm wearing an Express button down top. As seen below!

John's mom bought me 2 of these tops for my birthday (one purple and one white) 2 years ago, because I had just started my new job as a teller and needed some nice clothes. Well unfortunately they were a little tight so I rarely wore them. I probably wore each of them 2 times in the past 2 years?? Anyway, I put on the purple one this morning and it's fitting like a glove. It feels/looks great! And John commented about how saggy my pants are, in the butt. He said that I'd have to make a big haul to the D.I. soon, to get rid of my bigger clothes. However being the frugal woman that I am, I plan to keep all my 'fat girl' clothes so that I can wear them when I get pregnant. Just to save money, ya know?

Anyway, that was just a lot of rambling, but I'm feeling really great about all of this. I mentioned to Stephanie the other night that in this journey of weight loss, I have finally come to accept the fact that there WILL be times when we fall off the wagon. It's just a fact that it's going to happen at some point or another. The only thing that really matters is that we get back up one more time than we fall. I don't think that statement could be any more true!!

I'll end on a very happy note, that I found the most AMAZING and simple chicken recipe, and have officially discovered my new favorite thing to top rice. Keep in mind that I've never been a huge fan of balsamic vinegar, but this stuff is amazing, and as easy as can be!

Honey Balsamic Chicken

Ingredients:

1 1/2 tsp of dried thyme

1/2 tsp salt

1/4 tsp black pepper

1 tsp olive oil

1lb chicken breast

2 tbsp balsamic vinegar

2 tbsp honey

Combine first 3 ingredients; sprinkle over both sides of chicken.

Heat oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat.

Add chicken; cook 7 to 8 minutes on each side or until chicken is done.

Transfer chicken to a platter; keep warm.

Reduce heat to medium-low; add vinegar and honey to pan. Simmer 1 minute or until glaze thickens; stir constantly.

Pour glaze over chicken.

Yield: 4 servings (serving size: 1 chicken breast half). Number of Servings: 4

Recipe submitted by SparkPeople user LAUR986.

Nutritional Info
Fat: 2.6g
Carbohydrates: 10.1g
Calories:173.3
Protein: 26.3g

Like I said, I'm not usually a fan of balsamic vinegar, but the contrast between the sweet of the honey, and the sour of the vinegar is just delicious! The glaze was great over the chicken, but I thought it was even better over the brown rice we had with it! This is going to become a staple in our house, anytime we need something to top a little brown rice. Not to mention the glaze literally takes ONE MINUTE to prepare, and it's still sooo yummy!

Time to update!

2009-03-31T11:41:00.000-07:00

Well it's been a while since I've blogged!

We spent the last week at my parents empty house, and it was a time of 'firsts' for me as far as working out goes. I worked out early in the morning (5:40) for the first time. And while it made me feel great for the day, I kind of hated it. I didn't have the energy and UMPH like I do in the afternoons/evenings. I also did a full hour on the elliptical for the first time! Then I did it 2 more times that week! And I did it again last night at home! I was burning about 630 calories doing that, and last night I burned 700! I was in interval training on the elliptical, which I don't normally do. Turns out, I should be doing it that way! So I think that's my new 'thing' right now. It feels great to know that I can actually do a full hour. I also drank about 100 oz. of water yesterday, ate really well, and this morning I weighed 186.2. Just yesterday I was a bloated 189.8! I'm thrilled!! Today isn't my official weigh in day, so I will update again Friday, but I wanted to record it as the last day of the month. And I officially lost 5 lbs in the month of March. To be honest, I thought I would do much better, but 5 lbs. is 5 lbs. no matter how you look at it.

So that's all just great, but I've discovered something really annoying! It's becoming SO HARD to get my heart rate up! And to keep it up! I feel like the second I take a small break, it drops way back down to almost normal levels. Which I know is good and means I'm getting in great shape, but sucks as far as calorie burn goes. I took my 36 minute walk today and could absolutely not get my heart rate about 66%. It usually hovers around 70-72, so this was annoying. Of course I understand that it's a good sign, but annoying nonetheless!!

Well here's to another great week of eating healthy and (literally) exercising my butt off. I can't believe I'm only 6.2 lbs away from seeing the 170's! It feels soooo good. I'm planning to do another full hour on the elliptical right after work, I'll keep you updated!

Change is Good

2009-03-24T10:20:00.000-07:00

Well I got some very good news yesterday!! I got hired to be the special education teacher at a local school district very near our home. It was so great to go into the interview and feel so good about what I was doing. I did my best to not get my hopes in case I would have to deal with disappointment, but was soooo relieved when I got the news. I think I called everyone I know. Haha.

This is just a realization that my life is changing in all the ways that I have wanted for so long and it is another step in the right direction. Now I need to get going with my level of fitness. This week has started off on such a great start!

Starting a new week...

2009-03-23T13:29:00.000-07:00

So today for the first time EVER, I got up early and did a full workout. I am about as far from a morning person as they come, but I have plans after work today and knew that if I didn't get it done in the am, then it just wouldn't get done at all. I woke up at 5:45, did Jillians frontside video (42 minutes long), showered, and headed to work. It felt sooo good!! It just feels great to know that my workout for the day (after my lunch time walk, of course!) is over, and that my metabolism is boosted for the day. I am planning to do it again tomorrow, and do 45 minutes on the elliptical, but my one concern is lack of energy during the workout. This morning a few minutes before my workout I ate a half of a banana with about .5 T of chunky peanut butter, and during my workout I was slacking in a major major way. I've been researching today on how to help that, but can't seem to find any good answers. Some say eating breakfast before you workout in the morning will make it so that your body is focused on digestion rather than burning calories from your workout, but other sources say NOT eating anything before a morning workout will result in burning muscle rather than fat. What's a girl to do?

Anyway, it feels good to be starting a new fresh week. I've actually been doing really well with exercising for the past 7 days, but my eating has not been as good as it should be. Considering TOM is going to come knocking on my door any day now, I guess I should be happy with that. But of course I know I can do better. It's just about finding the strength to put the cookies down... I always like starting Monday with a clean slate though. Here's to a happy and healthy week!

The Battle Rages On

2009-03-17T08:04:00.000-07:00

I wish that dieting was as easy as I wanted it to be. I feel like it should be easier because I want it so much. It is naive to think that i could posssibly want it more than anyone else, we all want it. That it that we are talking about it is the part that is different for each of us....I want to feel good about myself, I want to wear small clothes, I want to be healthy, I want to be an amazing mom that has the house where all the kids on the block want to hang out. However; I have a laundry list of vain reasons as well...I want to walk into family Christmas and watch the jaws drop of all my family members, I want to run through my neighborhood in my cute muscle shirts and know that I looks good, I want people to look at my husband and think he's the luckiest guy around to have the love of a woman like me, and when we start our family I want to be cute pregnant not sumo pregnant.

All these things that I want aren't unachievable, I think that they are so close to my grasp that I don't know how to picture them as mine. I have viewed people in my life as road blocks to my success but there is no bigger road block than me. There I said it, I don't know how to taste this success because I don't remember seeing myself as skinny...so I don't know what the goal that I am reaching for feels like....and I sure don't know what it looks like.

Mal and I talked yesterday about how disappointed we get sometimes, but that is because we know how to do everything right. We know how to cook, what to eat, how to cut cals, how to exercise, how much we need to have a loss, and the dedication. The thing that I am not doing is envisioning the new me when I get down, I am beating up the old me. This is a constant battle for me and one that I will keep fighting one pound at a time.

Back on Track

2009-03-13T10:54:00.000-07:00

Finally yesterday my wrist started feeling a little bit better, and I did my Frontside workout. It was awesome that I finally felt better. I just hate the choices that I make sometime because I know how to do this right, and then I still go and mess up. I know that this is a process, but I still struggle constantly. I have been keeping track of my food in a notebook and I write down the dumb stuff I eat and I just get angry, but then I get kinda sad. I want things to be different. Well here goes a weekend away from home too, so hopefully it will go ok.

Losing momentum?

2009-03-12T11:43:00.000-07:00

I am. This past week has been so horrible compared to the week before, and it's very disappointing!! I have been exercising, but I need to remind myself that if i'm eating a million calories a day, even if I exercise i'm not going to lose weight. I'm back on track today as far as both food and exercise go, and I really need to stay here. I don't know why sometimes I convince myself that eating horrible food is 'worth it' because it tastes so good. That's how I got obese in the first place, and I just have to completely get that out of my head and change my way of thinking.

This morning I had 1.5 cups of cheerios, with a cup of nonfat milk. Then an orange for snack, and for lunch im having edamame and leftover salsa chicken on a half cup of brown rice. So today is looking/sounding great so far! For dinner we are having steak, and rather than baked potatos i'm going to make a big coloful salad to go along with it.

I took my monthly progress pictures yesterday and they look pretty much the same as last month. Considering there is only ONE pound difference, that's exactly what I expected. *sigh* Next month I plan to see a much bigger change. I'm gonna make that happen.

My Favorite Roast Recipe

2009-03-09T10:15:00.000-07:00

Ingredients:
2 packets brown gravy mix
1 packet italian dressing mix
1/2 packet ranch dressing mix
1 & 1/2 Cup Water

Combine all ingredients and pour over roast. Cook on low for 6-8 hours.

Servings: 12 (4oz each), Calories: 160.5, Total Fat: 4.3 g, Cholesterol: 71.3 mg, Sodium: 565.7 mg, Total Carbs: 2.9 g, Dietary Fiber: 0.0 g, Protein: 25.6 g

My Shopping List

2009-03-09T10:10:00.000-07:00

One thing that I have absolutely become a fan of is buying in bulk because it is so much cheaper. Plus I am just so proud of my healthy choices that I make in the stores now:

2 bags of chicken breasts (12 pounds worth)
1 lb of fresh spinach
1 gallon extra virgin olive oil
2 dozen eggs
dried red pepper flakes
Shredded cheese
Beef Sticks (for John)
apple slices

The Weekend of Trials

2009-03-08T14:56:00.000-07:00

This weekend has been less than spectacular but I did learn some very important lessons...pretty much straight from the mouth of Jillian Michaels. First, Friday night was great I came home early from school and got my work out in before I went to my little cousins basketball tournament. Saturday however, was something much different. We, my hubby and I, when we realized his parents were in the driveway-so the day just started off in a hurry, which drives me insane. Then we went to town with them, and we stop for lunch...I have made all my goals and desires clear with my entire family, but everyone decides on CULVERS...so I am actually fearful of a place like this because I have CHOSEN to eliminate these types of places from my life, but there was a time when I loved this kind of food. I get to the menu and well there wasn't really any good choices that I could see in a hurry, so I tried a less evil one and ordered a sourdough sandwich. After eating there I got home I felt disgusting and remembered all the reasons that that is just not going to be a part of me and john's life ever again.

The reason this comes back to Jillian is because she talks in one of her podcasts about when you spend time with the people that you love and they make poor eating choices that you need to try and spend time with them doing things other than eating. I love his mom and dad so much and I catch myself worrying about so many things that are completely out of my control. It is the power of free will, and I pray for them every night and I try to get them to want change but I can just love them with my whole heart and that is all that I can do right now.

Sunday has been a huge victory because I got up this morning and poached two eggs on whole wheat toast, then had a 6" sub for lunch,and am making this amazing pot roast recipe that I will post tomorrow!! Plus I did Jillian Michaels Frontside and burned 520 calories, then decided to do her kickboxing dvd and burned 274 more yahoo!!

Spinach Chicken Bake...yum

2009-03-06T07:15:00.000-08:00

Ingredients

2 cups diced boneless skinless chicken breast-2-3 breasts
1 10 oz package of frozen spinach
1/2 cup of Fat Free Sour Cream
1/2 cup Light Mayo
1/4 Mozzarella low moisture part skim cheese
1 cup Parmesean Cheese
2 tsp garlic powder

Directions

1)Season chicken breast the way you would like and cook as you normally would.
2)When chicken is done, you can start the cheese mixture. Mix sour cream, parmesean cheese, light mayo, mozzarella, and garlic powder in medium bowl.
3)Once chicken is cool enough to handle, cut into small pieces (2 cups worth) then pour into medium bowl. Drain 10 oz package of frozen spinach, then add to chicken and mix together.
4)Once spinach and chicken is mixed well add HALF the cheese mixture. Mix well. Then pour the chicken, spinach mixture into round pan or dish and pack down.
5)Take remaining mixture and spread over the top.
6)Place in oven for 45 minutes at 350 degree's. Makes about 6 one cup servings

Number of Servings: 6

Recipe submitted by SparkPeople
Nutritional Information

Calories: 263.7/
Total Fat: 13.9 g
Cholesterol: 74.0 mg
Sodium: 691.8 mg
Total Carbs: 6.5 g
Dietary Fiber: 1.1 g
Protein: 27.8 g

A Turn of the Tide

2009-03-05T06:28:00.000-08:00

This week has definitely been exactly the jump start that I needed compared to the last couple. I have been making making healthy choices about all my meals, especially supper, which is when I am usually the most hungry. Last night I had a baked tilapia fillet, a baked potato, and a portion of spinach. The spinach was definitely the most difficult for me to swallow because its not really what I would normally like but all the nutrients in it were amazing. I think I am going to try it from fresh next time instead of frozen.

The last two days have also been a huge victory because I have increased my weights that I use when I am doing Jillian's Frontside and Backside DVD's...and boy can I feel it.

This is the time for me to make all these changes.

Mexicana Chicken Soup Recipe

2009-03-05T06:24:00.000-08:00

Ingredients
32 oz. low sodium chicken broth
3 tbsp olive oil
1-15oz can cannellini white beans-drained
1-15oz can whole kernel corn-drained
1 Cup Salsa
1 Jalapeno-seeded, cleaned, and chopped
1 tbsp chili powder
1 tsp ground cumin
2 chicken breasts-cut into bite size pieces
salt & pepper

Directions
Combine and add water if not all submerged, Cook on high in crock pot for 4-6 hours, yes it is that simple

Last weeks weigh in.

2009-03-04T14:55:00.000-08:00

I completely forgot to post on Friday! My weigh in days are Fridays, and last week I weighed in at 187.4. I lost 3.8 lbs last week!! After having such a feeling of accomplishment, I wish I could pull a number like that every single week! It just feels amazing to see some actual progress in only 7 days. Over the weekend my parents and hubby made comments about how great I'm starting to look. I just love it!!

Anyway, today I am really struggling. It's snowing hard, which means no lunch time walk. I brought soup for lunch that just doesn't sound good at all, and I'm really craving a grilled cheese and fries from the cafe next door. However, I've got my goals in mind, and right now I'm chomping down an apple with some water, and think I may run to subway for lunch. I have to be honest and say I was 100% ready to give in to the grilled cheese and fries temptation, but after thinking about it now, I just know it wouldn't be worth it. We are getting family pictures taken on the 21st (all of John's family) and I want to look my best! Hoping to drop a few more lbs before then, so I've got to keep that in mind.

Tonight we have a date to go to our friends house and have ribs. I'm excited to go see them, but not excited for the calorie-filled dinner. Plus they live 45 minutes away, which means I wont be having time to work out tonight. I know this is just part of life, and that I cant prepare my own meals every single day, and ALWAYS have time to exercise. It's just hard to deal with sometimes because I know how well I can do when I'm able to stick to my somewhat strict structure.

I'm hoping the weather clears up for the rest of the week so I can get my 2 mile walks in every day. I did my walk every day last week and I know that has something to do with my 3.8 loss.

Shopping List

2009-03-04T13:46:00.001-08:00

It's been a good 2 weeks since i've been grocery shopping, so the last 2 days i've been putting my shopping list together. Just thought I would share it!!

Low Sodium boullion cubes

Yellow Onion

Whole wheat bread

Eggs and egg beaters (liquid egg)

Cheddar Cheese, and mozerella part skim string cheese

Potatos

Bananas

Salsa (for the amazing chicken salsa we love so much!)

Kashi snack bars

Nonfat milk

A couple smartones or lean cuisines

Edamame

Celery

Cucumbers

Oranges

Dry black beans

snack sized packs of baby carrots

boneless skinless chicken breasts

Diet Mtn. Dew (if it's on sale)
turkey dogs

And there we have it!! There is nothing better than having a fridge/kitchen full of healthy food!

Jillian Michaels... I love you!!

2009-03-04T07:13:00.000-08:00

Seriously... I LOVE that woman!! I did the frontside workout last night for the first time. A total of 42 minutes and 439 calories burned. And WOW! I can't even believe all the muscles that she has you work. Afterwords I felt soooo good! So tired, but so good! I'm looking forward to trying the backside tonight. I feel like these videos are just what I've been needing, to kick my butt back into gear. I noticed last night how incredibly strong my left quad has gotten. A couple months ago I wouldn't have been able to squat with all my weight on that leg (due to muscle atrophy from a surgery I had nearly 10 years ago) but last night I was doing those squats with no problem. It felt great!! Even just a month ago it was too weak to do 30 seconds of strong jumping jacks, but last night I was busting them out with no problem. So yes, Jillian, I love you!!

Good-bye February!

2009-03-02T07:49:00.000-08:00

So I noticed while looking over my workout tracking calender yesterday... that I lost 0 lbs in the month of February. I weighed in on Feb 6 as 191.2, and weighed in on Feb 28 as 191.2 How disappointing! I know I can do so much better than that, and in the month of March I am going to prove it. It's time to stop making excuses for being lazy and eating out of my calorie range. I know I can do it and I owe it to myself to really buckle down and get things going. My goal for March is to get at least 1,200 fitness minutes in, and track my food on Spark People every day of the week (Saturday and Sunday will be my optional tracking days). I should be getting my Jillian Michaels frontside/backside dvd's in the mail either today or tomorrow, so that will be something fresh to add to my routine. Here's to a new month of weight loss, and making it happen!

Fantastic Potato Soup Recipe

2009-03-02T06:31:00.000-08:00

Ingredients

3 slices bacon (i used turkey bacon)
1 cup chopped carrots
4 oz. chopped green chilies
1 cup chopped onions
1 tsp. garlic salt
1/2 tsp ground cumin
5 cups diced peeled potatoes
2 -14.5 oz. cans chicken 98% fat free broth
1/2 tsp. salt
1/3 cup flour
2.5 cups 2% milk
8 oz. 2% milk cheddar cheese
green onion tops

Directions

1)in large pot cook bacon until crisp. transfer to paper towel and set aside. Discard all but 1 Tblsp. of fat.
2)Add carrots, green chili, onion, garlic and cumin, saute until golden brown.
3)Add potatoes, chichen broth and salt. Bring to a boil. Reduce heat to simmer, coverl pot and cook for 25 minutes or until tender.
4)IN bowl, gradually whisk milk into flour mixture is smooth. slowly whisk milk mixture into soup. Cook over med heat, stirring occasionally, until soup thickens, about 12 minutes. Add cheese and crumble reserved bacon and chopped green onions

Number of Servings: 10

Nutritional Info per serving
Calories: 156.2
Total Fat: 3.2 g
Cholesterol: 8.3 mg
Sodium: 842.9 mg
Total Carbs: 23.6 g
Dietary Fiber: 2.5 g
Protein: 8.5 g

Don't be overwhelmed by all the ingredients, if i can make it anyone can!

source: sparkrecipes.com

The Weekend...

2009-03-02T06:21:00.000-08:00

The weekends can often be my tragic time but this weekend wasn't too bad. On Saturday I actually got to spend quality time with my husband, and i often wonder if i remember how to do that. Then I made low sodium tacos on whole wheat tortillas for lunch, and then spaghetti with barilla plus pasta. I kinda felt like I had pasta overkill this weekend, but I maintained my weight for the most part. Sunday is the day that I always do the same thing. I had two poached eggs on whole wheat toast, and then for supper I made a new recipe for potato soup that was absolutely phenomenal. I will post it later.

I got so much sleep this week because well I like to think it is my proactive approach to life, but in all honesty its because my husband and I are losers and stay home all the time hahah. I did Jillian Michaels backside video yesterday and she kicked my butt. The key to success on her videos is to not punk out on the cardio. When she does marching in place, I do high knee kicks. In 48 minutes of the workout yesterday I burned 547 calories yahoooooo. Here goes another week!

Getting Stephanie's Skinny On

2009-02-26T10:08:00.000-08:00

Weightloss has always been a struggle for me as long as I can remember. I have an overweight family that emotionally eats. Even at the thinnest I have ever been, I never realized how skinny I was.

In the last couple years I have met the man of my dreams, we got married this summer and everything in my life has been absolutely amazing. I left my first teaching job and moved to our new home expecting to get a job right away, but I didn't. The reason that I am at this moment is because I gained weight after our wedding and am ready to change my life forever. This is a small bit about where my journey began and how I got to where I am today with my weight loss.

In September Mallory, the now cofounder of our blog, and I found each other on Sparkpeople.com, which is a great website to help you get started. I had decided that I needed to make a change, but it came very slowly for me. I was very skeptical of this "Sparkbuddy" idea, but she seemed way nice and we had so much in common it was ridiculous. Eventually we decided to take our emailing friendship to the next level and started texting.

I was having a real problem with motivation and she just was kicking my butt, but it just didn't click for me completely until around November that I was really serious about weight loss. Then we started moving into the Jillian Michaels direction and starting to strength training along with our elliptical machines. We struggled through the holidays but once Christmas and New Years were over we have been on fire ever since. I began this journey at 230.2 and am currently at 218 lbs. Our goals are to take pictures monthly, keep track of daily calorie intake, drink water, eat more fruits and veggies.

The purpose of our blog is to be a tool for us to see our progress, look back in order to make good decisions ahead, and share recipes.

Gettin' My Skinny On

2009-02-25T12:50:00.000-08:00

My weight gain/lose history is very simple. I've been steadily gaining weight all of my life as a fairly inactive person, and have never lost any weight. Until recently, that is. Pretty simple weight gaining story, huh? So in September of 2008 I joined spark people and have been using that as a tool to take control of my eating and exercising habits. Since September I have gone from 207.8 lbs (my all time high) to my current 190 lbs. Spark People is also where I met Stephanie. We have been great texting buddies and really try to help and motivate each other. We wanted to create this blog as a place where we can post new ideas, recipes, pictures, successes and failures. This journey isn't an easy one. Some days it feels like the failures outweigh the successes, but at the end of the day they all add up and that's the important part. We are in this for long haul and that's why we are going to get real results. One step at a time.